Ennis
by tom forster
Summary: This story follows Ennis in the years after Jack's death. Constructive Criticism Welcomed.


Brokeback Mountain Fan Fiction

Disclaimer:

Some of the characters and situations in the following story, "Ennis", are from the story "Brokeback Mountain", copyrighted to E. Annie Proulx. The following work of fan fiction is available for free and is not meant to infringe upon the copyright of the original work. If any parties with an interest in the original work, "Brokeback Mountain", are opposed to the posting of the story, "Ennis", they may contact me to request removal.

Ennis 

By: Tom Forster

Chapter One

After Jack was gone, Ennis continued to work at odd jobs, scraping along making a living. In his free time he would go to see his daughter, Alma Jr, and his grandkids. Alma Jr. looked after Ennis as best she could, but her life was hard, too. Sometimes she would bring him meals to his trailer, and she always tried to include him in things. Ennis would also go into town on occasion to have a meal at the cafe or get a beer at the bar. He'd talk with some of the other guys in town, just shooting the breeze, never really getting too friendly with anyone - he would even flirt a little with some of the waitresses, but it never went any further than that. Ennis still took a week off a couple of times a year to go up into the mountains by himself to camp and ride his horse - though he never went back to Brokeback.

It went along like this for a number of years after Jack's death, until one early Spring evening in 1995. Ennis was in his early 50's. He stopped by the Riverton Cafe for supper after a long day working at the ranch. As he was eating his dessert, a piece of apple pie, a man whom Ennis had never seen before walked into the empty cafe and caught Ennis's eye. The man was about 15 years younger than Ennis - red headed, tall, lanky and a little bow-legged (very different from Jack). Ennis could see the man was no stranger to hard work and the guy had a quick, friendly smile. The young man waited at the entrance for a few minutes with his hat in his hands, but the waitress was busy in the kitchen - so the man walked straight over to Ennis.

"Hey friend, my name's Billy Wayne - I'm lookin' for the Barker Ranch." Ennis diverted his eyes down to his apple pie."…head north on Main bout ten miles and you'll see the turn off - the house is another ten miles after that ... watch out for them dogs when you get to the house, they'll eat you alive."

Billy Wayne thanked Ennis and headed back towards the door. Ennis was sneaking a look at him as he was walking away, only to be surprised when Billy Wayne swiveled around and looked straight at Ennis as if he was going to ask something else, but he paused and put on his hat and said, "…thanks again, friend.", and was out the door. Ennis felt a faint stir in the pit of his stomach - he finished off his pie and headed home.

The next morning Ennis was at the ranch around 5AM to start work. Mr. Barker saw him heading towards the barn and called him over to the house, "Come on in here Ennis...", Ennis took off his hat and walked into the kitchen. The young man he'd seen at the cafe the previous night was leaning up against the counter drinking some coffee. "Ennis, this is Billy Wayne - my sister's son from Texas. He's come up here to learn the ranch. You know I ain't gettin any younger and Billy's bout the only one who ain't tied down and willing to give it a try - I want you to show him the ropes." Mr. Barker put his hand on Ennis's shoulder. "Billy, Ennis here is my right hand man, he'll show you everything you need to know." Billy walked over to Ennis with a big smile on his face and extended his hand, "Hey friend, I sure do wanna thank you for warnin me bout those dogs, they damn near took a piece a my hide!" Ennis shook Billy's hand and for a moment looked straight at him, he could see something familiar in the young man's eyes - despite the boyish grin there was a sadness there.

Ennis knew that Mr. Barker was getting old and not in good health. The old man had spoken with Ennis many times about what he should do, but Ennis just listened and really didn't have any answers for him. Mrs. Barker died several years earlier and their only kid, Vernon Jr., was no count. He had not been heard from him in years. Barker looked on Ennis as a surrogate son - but blood runs thicker than water, and Ennis knew that old man Barker would some day have to decide who to pass the ranch on to. Ennis felt it was only right that it should stay in the family. The Barker Ranch was not real big by Wyoming standards - but it was a nice spread: 8,000 acres extending up into foothills with a couple thousand head of cattle; a handsome farmhouse, barn and stables with a dozen horses; several other out buildings spread around the ranch. Barker had even bought some new equipment in recent years.

Ennis worked for Mr. Barker off and on over the years - and had been his steady ranch hand for almost eight years now. There were seasonal workers each summer, but Ennis and Chet, Barker's overseer, were the only year round employees. Ennis didn't like Chet - and thankfully didn't have much dealings with him. Chet took care of the financial end of things and did the hiring - but he left it to Ennis to make sure the ranch hands did what they were supposed to. Ennis always felt like Chet knew about him, he just had this way of looking right through you - though there was really no way he could've known anything. Ennis hadn't been with any man since Jack - and very few women. It came as no surprise when Billy showed up.

"Mr. Del Mar, how long you been ranchin?"

Ennis was saddling his horse, his back turned to Billy - he cracked a smile at the "Mr." - "It's just Ennis ... bout thirty years now, I guess - off and on."

Billy was already on his horse and looking eager to get a look at the spread. Ennis mounted and they headed out. They rode in silence for an hour or so - it was a chilly day but the sun was shining brightly. Ennis decided to head up into the foothills so Billy could get a good look at what he was up against. There was a nice view above the river where Ennis often paused whenever he was on this part of the ranch. What were Billy's intentions? Ennis didn't know. He seemed like a good kid (even though Billy was a 35 year old man, he seemed like a big kid to Ennis) - but when it came to money and land, Ennis knew you couldn't trust anybody. Ennis had heard old man Barker talk about Billy over the years. Barker made annual trips down to Fort Worth with his cattle dealings and would stay at his sister's place. Ennis recalled that Barker mentioned a few years back that Billy had been in some kind of trouble but he didn't elaborate - and Ennis was never one to ask questions. This alone was enough to make Ennis suspicious of Billy, but the kid seemed nice enough. Time would tell.

They came into a clearing and Billy pulled ahead of Ennis excitedly - "Damn, this place is beee-u-tee-ful! We sure don't have any views like this in Texas!" Billy got off his horse, threw off his hat and spread his arms wide, "Yeee-haw!"

Ennis chuckled but didn't say anything... he watched Billy taking in the view and couldn't help but remember the day he and Jack had finally gotten up on Brokeback Mountain. It had taken a week to get all those sheep to the summer pasture and it was the first time they had a moment to take in the beauty around them... Jack jumped off his horse and threw his hat up in the air and turned to look back at him with that big smile on his face with his eyes lit up... that was the first time Ennis had felt it.

"Mr... I mean Ennis... you know how lucky you are to live up here?", Billy was standing next to Ennis, who was still on his horse... Billy's dark red hair was shining in the sun and those blue eyes were shining, he was grinning ear to ear. Ennis liked Billy - he was like nobody he'd met in a long, long time... "Yep, I'm a lucky man."

Ennis awoke to the sound of the cold wind blowing under his trailer - it was still dark out. Jack was calling to him from just beyond the woods, he tried to make out which direction, but couldn't figure it out, so he mounted his horse and rode into the trees. Eventually he could see Jack's horse a good piece ahead of him so he picked up the pace to try to catch up... finally he was at a full gallop, with pine branches slapping him in the face and a panicky feeling in his stomach. He had to get to Jack.

Ennis lay there, sweat soaked, for a few minutes - he rolled out of his twin bed - his feet hit the cold trailer floor. Old man Barker tried a couple of times to get him to move up on the ranch. There was a small apartment connected to the bunk house where the seasonal workers stayed - it was a hell of a lot nicer than this old tin can, but Ennis could not bring himself to make the move. He did not feel it was right for him to live on the ranch. Ennis turned on the gas stove and heated up some leftover coffee - he sat for a while drinking the coffee and eating a biscuit.

Ennis was real impressed at how quickly Billy was learning the ropes at the ranch over the past few weeks, but he was still unsure of the young man's motives. Billy was a hard worker and Ennis enjoyed the company - even if Billy was the one doing all the talking. On the day that Ennis showed Billy how to castrate the yearlings, Billy was right on top of it, "Ennis... this is where I cut em so it won't hurt em as bad, ain't that right?" Billy was a natural with the horses and Ennis could see the strong muscles in his thighs that you only get from years of riding. Ennis watched Billy when he wasn't looking - he was a beautiful young man - not quite as tall as Ennis, but lanky, with lean muscle - a full head of dark red hair, fair skinned - bright blue eyes and a boyish face with freckles... and that familiar smile. He had walked in on him early one morning at the bunkhouse as Billy was getting out of the shower, water dripping all over the wood floor... Billy was talking a mile a minute as he dried off - pulling on his jeans and boots, excited about the day. Ennis had pretended to fiddle with the wood stove as he watched the young man - he felt guilty for it.

Chapter Two

Billy Wayne Barker came from a solid family. His mom, Sarah, was old man Barker's - Vernon Sr's - baby sister. She grew up on the ranch just north of Riverton but when she hit seventeen she was ready get out and see some more of the world - and she saw her opportunity to do that with her third cousin - a strapping, black headed young man named Alvin Barker. Alvin was 15 years her senior and she was crazy about him.

When they got married and headed down to Texas in 1955 she told her momma and daddy, "If thangs don't work out, least I won't have to change my last name!" Things worked out fine.

They settled in Weatherford, about an hour west of Fort Worth, and Alvin got a good job as a traveling feed salesman - they even bought 100 acres outside the town limits and set up to raising a few head of cattle on the side. Sarah & Alvin had four boys in five years. Billy Wayne was the youngest. When Vernon Sr. made his annual trips from Riverton to Fort Worth on cattle business, he would always stay a couple of weeks with Sarah, Alvin and the boys. Vernon took a liking to Billy and would always tell him about his ranch up in Wyoming. "Billy, you gotta come up and see me and your Aunt Rita sometime - this flat country ain't good for the soul, boy - and look at those scrawny cattle out there - they ain't even got enough to munch on." Over the years, Billy would hear stories from his uncle and mother about Wyoming and he always wanted to head up that way but never got the chance.

Billy looked up to his brothers, but being the youngest - despite the closeness in years - he always felt set apart. Everybody even called the three older ones, "The Three Musketeers", because they were always together - and always covering for each other when there was trouble - and there was always trouble when the Barker boys were around. Billy could be counted on to help his folks around the ranch while his brothers would head off for parts unknown. The ranch work appealed to Billy, he especially liked working with and taking care of the horses. He'd ride around the small spread on his gelding with a watchful eye for coyotes, his rifle sticking up out of his saddle for easy access - especially during the Spring calving season. Billy loved going to the rodeo in Fort Worth to watch the cowboys rope and ride - but it was the bull riding that interested him most. He'd watch the tough young guys nervously tightening the ropes before the gate would open... then the adrenaline rush of the eight second ride.

Billy was a loner through high school, always looking in from the sidelines. He got good grades, and his folks had hopes that he'd be the first in the family to go to college - they'd written off the three older boys as far as school was concerned. Billy wanted none of it. His sights were set on the rodeo and he needed a way to get his foot in the door so he could get some experience under his belt. Chad Tyner was a senior, a year ahead of Billy. Chad was already competing in junior rodeo competitions in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Billy looked up to Chad - though they'd never had a conversation of more than a dozen words... so Billy saw his chance one hot summer afternoon when he spied Chad in the bleachers at a local rodeo in Weatherford.

"Hey Chad, you ridin today?" Chad continued to look straight ahead, "Nah, I'm just watchin - I got a competition in Mesquite next week and I don't wanna risk gettin hurt for the puny pay-out they got here... what you doin here?"

After that day Billy & Chad became big buddies and Billy finally got the chance to learn how to ride - though he wasn't too good at it, but Chad was a good teacher - and Billy soon began to see him as the brother he never had. Some weekends they would take off out into the desert to camp and ride their horses or head into Fort Worth to watch the professional riders at rodeos on the north side. Chad's girlfriend would sometimes come along - but Billy always liked it best when it was just the two of them.

One early summer evening after Billy's junior year, Billy was brushing down his horse when Chad pulled up in his truck.

"Hey buddy, you wanna drive out to the lake and drink a few cold ones?"

"Sure - gimme a few minutes to finish this up".

Billy always felt nervous and excited when Chad was around. They drove an hour out the west road and turned onto the dirt track that went out to the lake - they'd been fishing there a few times. It was a beautiful, warm evening and the stars were coming out. Chad backed his pickup near the water and they got out and sat on the tailgate. Chad had brought along a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and he popped the top off two bottles and handed one to Billy.

"Damn, it sure is nice out here - I'd like to have a piece of land along the lake here with a cabin." … Billy noticed that Chad was sitting so close he could feel the heat from his body, he said, "yep, that sure would be nice." They sat a long while swinging their legs off the tail gate drinking their beers. Billy had never been happier.

After a couple of hours of shooting the breeze, Chad hopped down off the truck and said. "Well buddy, it's time we got a goin - and your doing the drivin", he tossed the keys to Billy.

After the dirt track - the road back to Weatherford from the lake was straight and long - and pitch black. Billy didn't have his own truck yet but Chad let him drive his some of the time when they went off doing things. After thirty minutes, Chad was sound asleep in the front seat and Billy slowly moved his leg so it was touching Chad's - his heart was pounding in his chest. He didn't see the big buck in the road until it was too late - and when he swerved to miss it, the jacked up 4X4 tumbled over and over into the black desert. Billy was thrown from the truck into a soft pile of dirt and brush. Chad was not so lucky.

When Billy recovered from a few broken bones, he gave up. He was still in the hospital and couldn't go to Chad's funeral - not that he would have if he'd been able to - he was too ashamed. Billy wished he'd been the one who died that night. He tried to go back to school in the fall but dropped out after a few weeks. His folks encouraged him to return but finally gave up - then they started suggesting that he go into the army.

Billy drifted for a dozen years - he traveled around the southwest picking up odd jobs - roadwork, construction, ranch work - never staying anywhere more than a few months. He did hold down a ranching job outside of Albuquerque for three years. He made friends wherever he went - his quick smile and eagerness to please was very appealing - but he never let anyone get too close. His only relief from the crushing guilt and self loathing were those rare times when he could drive out into the desert and camp alone under the stars - he welcomed the solitude. He'd call his folks every few weeks to let them know he was ok. Eventually he returned to Weatherford and moved back in with his parents - they were getting older and needed his help. A year after he returned, his dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Billy took a job with a local construction company and dreamt of building up the homestead to make it viable - but the land was bone dry a lot of the time and couldn't support more than a couple dozen head of cattle.

Billy always looked forward to his Uncle Vernon's visits - though in recent years, he would sometimes send his man, Chet, instead. In the summer of 1994, Uncle Vernon came down and stayed a week with Sarah and Billy. Billy could see he was slowing down a lot but that did not stop the old man from taking care of business. The day before he was to head back up to Riverton, Barker asked Billy to drive into Weatherford to have a bite with him at the café. They settled into a booth, and the waitress took their orders.

"Son, your momma's worried about you - she thinks you're stickin around here on her account and she wants to see you settle down."

Billy squirmed under the old man's gaze, he loved his uncle but was always a little bit intimidated by him, "I'm settled - besides, I'm the only one she has here now - she don't never hear from my brothers - hell, I got two nieces I ain't never seen."

"Billy, your momma's doin fine - you don't have to stay in Weatherford, there's nothin here for you, son."

Old man Barker was a tough bird. He never could understand why Sarah wanted to leave Wyoming all those years ago. The family ranch outside of Riverton had been in the family for three generations and he intended to keep it that way. When his only son, Vernon Jr., told him and Rita that he didn't want any part of ranching life, it was a tough pill to swallow. The last he'd heard, Junior was back east somewhere selling dope. Barker did not have anyone to turn to and he always liked Billy. When Sarah called him a couple of months back to talk about Billy they both agreed on what would be best for the young man.

"Billy, I want you… no, I need you to come up to Riverton - I can't manage the ranch much longer and you're the only one with the know how…"

Billy looked at his uncle's tired, pleading eyes - he never thought about something like this ever coming down the pike… but mostly, he felt totally undeserving.

"Uncle, I'm sorry - but it just wouldn't be right… I ain't never even seen the place… hell, the furthest north I ever been is Amarillo and it's way too damn cold for me up there. I'd never make it way up in Wyomin country".

"Billy, you're it, son - I got nobody else to turn to. You know all about Vernon Jr. - and there's only one man on the ranch right now that I'd trust it to - but he ain't family."

Barker watched Billy, he knew the young man had it in him - but he also understood that Billy had a demon on his shoulder that he just couldn't seem to shake.

"Billy - you gotta let go of the past…" Barker patted Billy's hand.

Billy's blue eyes filled with tears and he looked down at the old man's weathered hand on his… "I suppose I could come up to check things out, but I ain't promisin nothing."

Barker felt a weight lift off his shoulders, "That's all I'm askin of you, son…. plan on comin up early next Spring before calvin season - I got a good man who'll show you all you need to know."

Chapter Three

Ennis always hated shaving - luckily his beard was not too heavy so he could get by with three times a week. As he stood naked from the waist up before the mirror, razor in hand, he took a good long look at himself - something he had not done in many a year - though he unconsciously avoided looking himself in the eyes. Ennis felt he looked fairly good for a man of fifty one. He'd stopped smoking some years back when Alma Jr. started fussing at him about it…. And he was not heavy on the bottle - he knew too well what that could do to a man. Nope, "not bad", he thought… He still had most of his hair, though it was thinner than in his youth - there was surprisingly little gray. His skin was weathered from years of exposure to the elements but his body was still that of a much younger man, thanks to years of hard work. Ennis could still out lift any of the young ranch hands who came to the Barker place for seasonal work… and over the years he had to settle things with his fists too, and it had been a long while since he'd been on the losing end. He'd often wondered what Jack had seen in him - what was it that cued Jack off to make him think that he'd be willing to be with him like that? Of course, he was glad Jack had made the first move cause he doubted he ever would have. The memory of those nights on Brokeback, and the trips in the following years are what had kept him going these past dozen - but was that enough? Ennis didn't know and didn't want to think about it and pushed it to the back of his head… he was a man on auto pilot.

Ennis packed his ruck sack for an over nighter up in the foothills, he'd have to show Billy some of the early summer grazing land and it wouldn't be long after that before the cattle would have to be put out to open range. He figured he wouldn't need much - the weather was milder than usual and they should be able to sleep out in the open with just a fire to take off the chill.

Ennis opened the closet door to get down his heavy jacket - he almost didn't notice the shirts anymore - they'd become a permanent fixture… but for some reason they struck him hard in the face today… he looked at the bloodstained sleeves - could it really have been over 30 years ago since he and Jack fought up on Brokeback? He remembered how angry he felt when Jack told him that Aguirre was pulling them out early. He'd told Jack that it wasn't right for the bastard to cheat them out of a month's pay - but now he knew why he had been so mad - the happiest days he'd ever known were being cut short - and he hit Jack hard to make the going down off the mountain easier for both of them. He could still remember the hurt look on Jack's face when he told him he wouldn't be back the next summer - and the sudden panic and fear in his gut as he tried to walk away like he didn't care. A knock on the door brought him out of his trance.

"Hey little darlin! … what you doin out here?" Alma Jr. was standing on his stoop. "Get on in here, where's the babies?"

Alma Jr. was still a pretty girl despite the hard knocks she'd had to take… her husband, Kurt, was no good - couldn't hold down a job - and Alma Jr. had three kids before she was thirty - she'd gotten a part time job to help make ends meet. Of course, Ennis couldn't say anything about it because her mother had had to do the same thing when they were still together. One thing Ennis didn't worry about was Kurt ever hitting Alma Jr. - because Kurt knew he'd be a dead man if it ever happened.

"Hey Daddy… Kurt's got the kids for a few hours - I just wanted to check in on you - I sure wish you'd get a phone." Alma kissed Ennis on the cheek and wiped away some shaving cream by his ear… Alma noticed the closet door was open… she'd never asked Ennis about the shirts, but she knew one of them had belonged to Jack Twist.

"You goin on a trip?" Ennis gently closed the closet door and stuffed his jacket into his pack, "just an over niter with the new kid - he's learnin the ranchin business and I'm showin him the ropes."

"That's great Daddy, Barker works you too hard - I'm glad you got some help… is he from around here?"

"Nope, he's Barker's nephew come up from Texas - he's a good kid, well he ain't no kid…"

Alma Jr. had been Ennis's only real reason for living after Jack was gone, especially those first couple of years - and the grand youngins were good kids, they even stayed over nite with him in the trailer sometimes. Alma Jr. never said anything to Ennis - but Jack was always an unspoken presence between them. Ennis could barely think about Jack in his head without getting emotional - talking about him with anyone was not an option in Ennis's book.

"Honey, I gotta get goin - you need anything?" Ennis looked at Alma's sweet face but could not help but feel inadequate to help her… he pulled a twenty from his jeans pocket and pressed it in her hand. "Thank you, Daddy - I promise I'll pay you back - it's just that…", Ennis hugged his daughter close and walked her out to her car. It was always hard for Ennis to see her go - he watched her car going down the long empty road until he couldn't make it out any more… then he loaded his truck and headed out to the ranch.

Chapter Four

Billy really liked Ennis - a lot. The past six weeks had been the best he'd had in a long time. The work was grueling but Billy enjoyed it - especially if it meant that Ennis was going to be working with him. Uncle Vernon had been right, Ennis knew every square inch of that spread... and beyond - and the man worked harder than anyone Billy had ever seen. On the day that they were throwing out bales for the cattle, Ennis was tossing two to his one, and he didn't even seem to get winded. Though it had been a cool day, they both took off their shirts - the hay sticking to their sweaty bodies. Ennis even got a chuckle when Billy tumbled head first off the wagon onto a heifer as he tried to keep up with the pace - it was the first time he'd seen Ennis laugh since he'd arrived in Riverton.

"Boy, you better work on that - hell, I know you said you liked the rodeo, but that's plum pitiful if you ask me!" Billy beamed up at Ennis and hopped back up on the wagon to do his share.

This was going to be their first overnight trip up in the foothills. Billy was as excited as a kid. He had moved into the cramped little bunkhouse apartment even though his uncle had said he could stay in the main house. Billy felt he should live and work as a ranch hand to really get the feel of the place. Vernon Sr. saw this as a good sign and did not protest.

The beauty of this place was beyond Billy's wildest expectations. When he awoke every morning he'd pad over the cold wooden floor to the little window and look out at the majestic mountains in the distance - still capped with snow this time of year. He just couldn't believe a place like this existed - and that Uncle Vernon wanted him to take it on... Billy still felt out of place and unworthy of consideration for such a thing. Despite the beauty of the land and the fact that he felt that he could run the place, given his years of experience - he wasn't sure if he was sold on the idea. Hell, Ennis deserved the honor more than he did... but Billy knew how much it meant to the old man to keep the ranch in the family.

Billy was packing the last of his gear when he heard Ennis's old Ford truck pull up outside the bunkhouse. He felt the excitement rising in the pit of his stomach. Ennis strolled slowly into the bunkhouse, his hat low over his eyes and his hands in the pockets of his coat. Ennis went over to the wood stove and warmed his hands, not saying a word. Billy was used to this entrance by now, at first he thought Ennis viewed him as a nuisance... but Billy had become a little more familiar with his ways and he now got the feeling that Ennis enjoyed his company - some of the time.

"Hey Ennis - I'm about ready - you think we're gonna see any weather while we're up there?" Billy came out into the main room of the bunkhouse in his socks, he sat down on one of the wooden bed frames that the ranch hands used and started pulling on his boots.

"Nope, don't think we'll have any problems - it'll be chilly but I think we can bed down under the stars tonight. I got everything we'll need - you just be sure to wear some long johns."

Ennis went over to the stables to get their horses ready for the journey. Billy finished up his packing and stuck his head in the kitchen door to let the old man know they were heading out.

Billy could barely contain his excitement as the horses climbed up through the trees... they traveled in silence for a while - then Billy started talking about life back in Texas, and shared a couple of stories about adventures he'd had when he was traveling around the southwest. "Ennis, you ever seen the desert?... man, it's somethin else - most people you talk to think the desert is empty and ugly... I think it's beautiful - and it's so quiet you can hear your heartbeat." They paused at the clearing that Ennis had brought him to that first day - the vista encompassed the river, a good bit of the lower grazing lands with the mountains looming in the distance. "Hell, what am I sayin? Nothin can beat this! Ennis, you ain't missin nothin in the desert."

Ennis liked listening to Billy tell his stories - he was a good kid. Ennis now realized that Billy wasn't out for anything. Barker had made a good choice.

As they approached the uplands - Ennis finally began to talk some - he'd point out the trails that Billy would need to know about for bringing the herds up to the open range land - trails that had been used for over a hundred years.

They stopped at a high place above a deep canyon. "See down there. That's a tricky part - I've lost a few on that ridge there... and you gotta make sure you drive em to the left of that butte in the distance so they come out on the right part of the river. It's too deep if you take em on the other side... the old man will have your hide if he hears you've drowned any of his profit."

They had not started out until close to noon, so they continued on until well after dark. Billy could tell that the horses knew the way, but he stuck close behind Ennis just in case. It was pitch dark. Billy could see the thin sliver of the new moon in the southwestern sky - he could not believe how many stars there were - a lot more than he could ever see on a moonless night at the lake outside of Weatherford. By the time they reached their camp site Billy was starting to feel the chill of the early May night...

If Ennis had been on his own he would have continued for a couple more hours to the high camp - but he could tell that Billy was getting tired. The kid hadn't said one word in over an hour so Ennis took that to be a good indicator that they should over night at this lower camp site. It was a good spot, sheltered from the wind with plenty of dry kindling scattered around the nearby trees so they could quickly get a fire started. To the south, if it had been light, they could have seen down to the river in the far distance… to the north, the cold, high peaks of the mountains loomed.

They tied off the horses and took down their saddles and packs - Ennis got Billy to gather up some dry branches and stack them in the fire pit that Ennis had used many times over the years. Before long they had a good fire going. Ennis had brought along some beef jerky and a couple of cans of soup and some bread. Beans were no longer on the menu. They unrolled their bedding and sat by the fire eating their meal.

"Damn, this sure is good soup Ennis - my stomach was chewing on itself I was so hungry." Billy broke off some bread a dipped it in the plate of thick soup.

After they finished their meal, Ennis went over to check on the horses and Billy stretched out on his bed blankets with his head propped up on his saddle. The fire was going good now. Ennis was in the shadows near the trees, just outside the glow of the campfire, where Billy couldn't see him. He watched Billy pulling off his boots and sticking his feet near the fire to warm them. Ennis thought Billy looked real handsome, the glow of the fire shining in his dark red hair, casting shadows across the fine features of his face: strong nose and chin, full lips… Ennis noticed that Billy had bulked up some since he'd gotten to Riverton, his chest and arms strained against the now too small flannel shirt. This reminded Ennis of those first nights up on Brokeback before he and Jack were together that first time. He'd sneak looks at Jack when he wasn't aware… admiring him… the line of his jaw, the way his dark hair curled behind his ears, the muscles in his neck - his hands… the blue beam of Jack's eyes that could penetrate to his soul. A lonesome howl in the distance broke the silence of the cold, thin mountain air.

"Y'all got coyotes up here, too, huh?" Billy twisted his head in Ennis's direction.

Ennis walked back into the glow and squatted by the fire warming his hands, "that ain't no coyote - that's a wolf… they're making a comeback in these parts - we've lost quite a few head of cattle to em the past couple a years." Ennis got up and went over to his bed roll on the opposite side of the fire from Billy - he buttoned up his jacket and laid down with his hat & boots still on.

"Ennis, you been married before, ain't you?…Uncle Vernon mentioned something about you havin a daughter living just outside of Riverton…"

"Yep, I was married… long time ago - I got two daughters, though… one of em moved down South and I don't hear from her much any more…" Ennis folded his arms across his chest, it was colder than he had planned on.

"I ain't never been married - never even come close… hell, I'm ashamed to say it, but I only been with two girls in my life… and neither one of em lasted too long… hell, thirty five years old… ain't that pitiful!"

Ennis smiled to himself. They were both silent for a while.

"Ennis?…. you ever killed a man?"

Ennis couldn't figure why Billy would ask something like this… he wanted to say, "Yep, I killed a man - it took twenty years to do it, but he was dead just the same." Instead he replied, "not that I know of…"

Billy was quiet - Ennis pulled his blanket up to his chin and began to feel the warmth of the fire sinking in…. Billy then said in a low voice…

"I killed a man…. I didn't mean to, but I did it…." He then rolled over with his back towards Ennis. They both drifted off to sleep.

Ennis had not slept full through a night since Jack died - he'd usually drift off to sleep for a couple of hours only to wake suddenly for no apparent reason. He still had dreams of Jack - they were not as frequent as in those early years. A few months would go by without one - only to return with a vengeance, sometimes causing Ennis to awaken with a yelp… sometimes to awaken with tears running down his face.

Ennis opened his eyes and listened for the harmonica… only silence and the low snorting of the horses… it was still way too early to head out. He lifted up his head and looked over to where Billy was sleeping, all balled up in his blankets - his back still facing Ennis. The fire had died down to a pile of glowing embers. Ennis sat up and pulled up the collar of his coat. It had to be in the teens - but at least there was no wind. Ennis quietly got up and walked over to Billy, he could see that he was shivering in the cold. He got some more wood from the pile that they gathered earlier and placed it in the pit. The moist wood began to spit and slowly the flames reappeared. Ennis laid back down on his bedding and pulled his blankets over his head.

Billy stirred… he rolled over in Ennis's direction. "Shit, it's cold!….god dang it! I ain't accustomed to this!… dammit Ennis, why didn't we at least bring up a tent with us?"

Ennis pulled his blanket from over his face…"this ain't nothin - wait til you get a feel of thirty below - I told you to put on some long johns…and I guess you Texas cowboys are too good to sleep with your boots on."

"God dang it, Ennis - I ain't got no long johns!"

Ennis laughed out loud at that… he thought a couple of minutes before saying, "Ok buddy, get on over here, I'll help you out… and put them boots back on!"

Billy scrambled to his feet with his blankets draped over his head and shoulders - he jammed on his boots and shuffled over to Ennis.

"Get down here next to me - it'll be warmer that way." Ennis lifted up his blankets and scooted over so Billy could lay down next to him…Billy wrapped his own blankets around himself and laid down with his back to Ennis, who then covered the both of them with his own heavy blanket. Billy was facing the fire.

Billy said, "Thanks friend, I don't think I coulda lasted much longer."

Ennis rolled in the opposite direction, pulled down his hat and tucked his chin in his coat. After a while Ennis could feel Billy's body relaxing and young man's whole back side started leaning into his. It felt good to have Billy's warm body next to him, even if it was separated by thick layers of clothing. Sometimes Ennis used to wake up in the night, on their camping trips, just to watch Jack sleep. He loved hearing the deep breaths and being able to look at Jack up close without him knowing, he would sometimes stroke Jack's hair. It was not long until he could hear Billy's steady breathing. Ennis couldn't help himself, he just got this sudden urge that he had to give into. He gently rolled back over so that he was facing Billy's back side… and he moved in close…. Ennis lifted himself up quietly on one elbow and looked over to make sure Billy was asleep. He lowered himself back down and propped his head just behind Billy's and slowly moved closer until his nose brushed the hair at the base of Billy's neck… he inhaled slowly and deeply, the warm musky scent comforted Ennis… and he drifted back to sleep.

Billy stared at the flames… this reminded him of that night that he let his leg lean into Chad's… tears welled up in his eyes… he listened to Ennis's deep breaths - he felt safe.

Chapter Five

When Billy awoke, Ennis had already saddled the horses and boiled a small pot of coffee. Billy could see him standing at a distance on the edge of the ridgeline, staring out at the horizon. Billy had not realized the night before that they were actually on a precipice with a steep drop off to the canyon below. He got up and unwrapped himself from his blankets and poured himself a cup of coffee and staggered up to where Ennis was standing, the sun was just topping the hills far off to the east.

Billy came up behind Ennis sipping his coffee, "You'll warn me about a bunch of flea infested dogs but you don't say a word about the fact that I'm sleepin on the edge of a cliff! What if I'd had to get up during the night to take a leak?"

Ennis continued looking out at the spectacular view, " Well… we'd of picked you up on the way back to the ranch." He turned to face Billy with a grin on his face. "We'd better get goin cowboy, we got a lot of ground to cover today."

They quickly packed up the campsite and dumped some dirt in the fire pit. Billy wolfed down some jerky and stale bread, washing it down with the last of his coffee.

Their plan was to continue following the ridge so that Billy could get a birds eye view of the canyon trails that were used to drive the cattle to the summer range. Then they would descend into the valley and double back at the lower level to return to the ranch. It was another beautiful Spring day and Ennis felt they'd be able to make it back by nightfall without any problem. After another two hours along the ridge they reached the high camp and stopped to let the horses rest - there were still some patches of snow on the ground at this altitude. Billy had already forgotten about the cold night he'd had and hopped off his horse to take off his heavy coat. Ennis took the time to tell Billy about the Indians who used to live in these mountains and canyons. Ennis didn't care much for the ones that now lived on the reservation south of Riverton - too much drinking and brawling - but he'd heard lots of stories over the years about their ancestors - brave warriors who fought to the death to try to keep the land.

They descended onto the summer rangeland. The winter snows had been heavy that year and Ennis was glad to see that the grasses were already as high as his knees. They stopped to eat some more jerky and bread and to let the horses graze on the tender shoots of grass - passing the canteen of water between them. Then they started the journey back to the ranch, this time following the well trodden trail that a million head of cattle had tramped over the past century. The going was easy and they made good time. Billy told Ennis about his brothers and all the trouble they'd gotten into over the years. Ennis just listened.

They could hear the roar of the river long before they could see it. The heavy winter snow was melting off fast and the river was a raging torrent. There was only one place they could cross it with the horses and even that part was questionable. Ennis decided to make a stop so they could work out a strategy for getting across. Ennis could see the fear in Billy's eyes, but to his credit the kid did not say anything. They stood on some boulders looking out at the crossing point.

"If things was normal we'd just wade right in on the horses and get across fine without even gettin our balls wet… but we gotta take a different approach this time…", Ennis had taken off his hat and was squinting as he looked out at the rushing water. "Them horses has been across this spot a hundred times - they can fend for themselves - but not with the two of us on their backs. Can you swim?"

Billy looked at Ennis with eyes wide, "Yessir, I can swim... some…"

"Ok then, we'll get over just fine… we'll have to leave some of our stuff here… let the horses cross first… then we'll tie up together with a 20 yard line … I'll cross while you steady me, then I'll do the same for you. You with me on this?"

Billy nodded his head - there was really nothing else he could do.

They both took the packs off their horses and put them up under one of the big boulders - they'd pick them up the next time they were up this way - they left the horses saddled. They led their horses as far upstream as they could before the riverbank got too narrow - then Ennis slapped his mare hard on her hindquarters and she plunged into the river. Billy's horse didn't even need a slap, she was right in behind the other. They watched the two horses make their way across - Billy was relieved when they made it to the other side - they'd both been carried a good fifty yards downstream.

Ennis looked at Billy as he tied the rope around his waist. "It ain't that it's deep, buddy. It's cause it's runnin swift that makes it tough…" Billy raised his arms over his head as Ennis tied the other end of the rope tightly around him. Ennis had Billy to take off his jacket to free up his arms then he knotted the rope and pulled it hard to make sure it was good and tight, it took Billy's breath away for a minute.

"Sorry buddy. Don't wanna lose you…or you lose me!" Ennis grinned and rubbed Billy's head, tousling his red hair. "They say that gives good luck, don't they?"

Ennis positioned Billy at the same place where they'd put the horses in… he showed him how to leverage himself against a boulder to give more control… then he walked right on into the torrent.

Ennis was immediately washed off his feet and the rope pulled taut. Every time he'd fall, he'd scramble right back up, the water splashing up to his chest. Billy braced himself against the rock to keep the rope tight so Ennis would have something to pull up on. The river wasn't as wide as Billy had first thought and he was greatly relieved when Ennis splashed out of the water onto the rocky shore on the other side. What seemed like an hour was only 5 minutes.

Billy and Ennis stood on opposite sides of the river, the rope looked like a long umbilical cord connecting them. Ennis ran upstream so that he was positioned directly across from Billy. Billy was scared. He could feel his knees shaking and it wasn't from the chill in the air. Ennis shouted something across to him, but Billy couldn't make out what he was saying over the rushing water. He figured that Ennis was telling him to launch… so he walked over the rocks to the edge of the water, closed his eyes and took a deep breath - then he took the plunge.

The shock of the frigid water would have been enough to knock him to his knees, but it was the blast of the raging river than took him down. Billy grabbed the rope with both hands and pulled hard, trying to gain his footing. Just when he thought he had it, he'd fall again and wash another ten yards downstream, his boots scraping the cobbles on the river bed. Billy could feel Ennis pulling on the rope… hard… but the water was splashing his face so much that he could not see him on the other side.

It went on like this for a while, Billy would tug on the rope to get up only to be knocked down again…he couldn't tell if he was making any progress. The next time he fell he tugged on the rope to gain footing only to find himself washing freely down the river. The rope had broken! Billy panicked, he could feel the stones and rocks scraping his butt and back as he careened feet first with the cold water washing over him… he thought, even if he could swim it wouldn't have done him any good in this river!

The next thing he knew Ennis was pulling him onto the river bank. Ennis had run back into the river and grabbed Billy around the chest and dragged him the remaining five yards to the shore. They both collapsed on the rocks, soaking wet and out of breath. Billy was still shaking and felt like he was going to throw up… but the feeling subsided after a few minutes.

Ennis wasn't much better. When saw the rope snap and Billy washing downstream his heart had started pounding and he almost fell to his knees. He ran as fast as he could downstream and jumped into the river at a point where he thought he'd be able intercept the kid. When they got to shore Ennis was shaking even harder than Billy.

It took a good twenty minutes before either one of them could say anything. Billy was still lying on his back on the rocks and he looked back at Ennis who was now sitting with his arms around his knees pulled up to his chest.

"Thank you Ennis, you really saved me, buddy!"

Ennis just nodded and lowered his head - he still couldn't speak.

Ennis finally got up off the rocks and stood a moment to get his land legs back. He was real upset with himself that he hadn't checked the rope properly before using it to help get them across the river. He'd been using that rope for much too long - it was chewed and nicked and burned in several places. Any good rancher knew you've got to always have a tough, strong rope at the ready for whatever might come your way. It was just another example to Ennis of why he wasn't worthy of having a place of his own. Yep, in his book, he would always be a hired hand and a poor one at that. But what really bothered him was the fact that Billy had trusted him and he let him down. Sure the kid seemed to be ok, except for some scrapes and bruises. But what about the next time? Trust was really all there was between the men who work the back country... and if you didn't have another man's trust you might as well call it a day.

Ennis walked slowly up the shore to where the horses had found some new growth to munch on. He looked them over and walked them around a bit to make sure they hadn't been injured during the crossing. Everything seemed fine. Ennis pulled his hat out from under the saddle of his horse and tried to shape it back out - but it was no use - he stuck it on his head and lowered the front of the brim over his eyes to hide his shame. He wasn't gonna be able to look Billy in the eye for a while - not that he ever looked him in the eye anyway. Ennis stood with the horses and looked back at Billy, still sitting on the rocks by the water... he'd give the kid all the time he needed. He watched Billy pull off his boots and dump out the water, then Billy took off his socks and wrung them out. He put his boots back on and stuck the socks in his back pocket. When Billy stood up, Ennis could tell he was hurting. Billy hobbled around the rocks with his back stooped over, gingerly testing out his legs. He looked up towards Ennis and stiffly made his way up the beach... when he reached Ennis and the horses he was still kind of bent over.

"My backside is real sore, Ennis - you suppose I coulda broke somethin?… you see anything stickin out back there?"

Ennis walked around behind Billy, the back of his shirt and jeans were ripped and bloody - he couldn't tell where it was coming from."You're kinda tore up back here buddy - lemme see where you're bleedin from... let's take off that shirt and unbuckle your britches and see if you're hurt too bad."

Billy unbuttoned his shirt and Ennis carefully helped him take it off - then Billy unbuttoned the fly of his jeans and pulled his pants down to his knees and stood there, bent over, in his boxers.

Ennis looked at Billy's back, it was scraped up real bad and he had a couple of deep gashes, but no sign of broken bones - the bleeding had stopped. Ennis took off his own shirt and pulled his undershirt off over his head. He told Billy to wait a minute... he trotted back down to the river and rinsed out Billy's shirt and dipped his undershirt in the cold water... he came back to where Billy was still standing like a statue. Ennis carefully wiped the blood off Billy's back with the undershirt. Billy winced when Ennis touched the wound on his lower back. Ennis went back down to the river and washed out the under shirt and brought it back to Billy and tied it around his midsection just in case the bleeding started up again. Then he helped him slip back into his wet flannel shirt... and Ennis put his own shirt back on.

"I think you're gonna be ok, buddy - you might have to get a coupla stitches when we get back... try to stand straight and I'll check your ribs."

Billy stood up straight and Ennis ran his hands carefully over Billy's chest and sides... Billy let out a laugh... "Sorry Ennis - I'm kinda ticklish..." Billy looked at Ennis with that big boyish grin... it made Ennis feel even worse that Billy was being such a nice guy about it all.

Ennis helped Billy mount his horse and the he got on his own... they both looked back at the rushing river below them.

"Ennis, what was it that you were shoutin over at me before I went into the water?"

Ennis had to think a minute... "I was tryin to get you to take off your hat... you coulda left it with the packs."

Billy put his hand on top of his wet mop of hair..."Shoot!"

They turned and prodded the horses back onto the trail... it was well after noon but Ennis felt they'd still make it back to the ranch before dark. Billy took up where he left off before they'd crossed the river... talking a mile a minute about Texas and rodeo and the desert. Ennis listened silently as they continued their journey through the ancient canyons, all the while thinking - any other man would have held this against him and would make darn sure the other guys knew about a mess up like this - something that could cost a man his life. Nope, Ennis knew that Billy didn't have a mean bone in his body.

The rest of the journey was uneventful. They stopped one more time in a flower filled meadow to let the horses rest. The snow capped peaks to the north piercing the deep blue sky. Billy stayed up on his horse, soaking in the warm sun and the scenery. Ennis dismounted and slowly walked a circle around them with his hands in his pockets, mangled hat on his head, looking down at the ground. Neither of them spoke.

Three hours later they reached the ranch shortly before dark. Ennis helped Billy off his horse and followed him into the bunkhouse. Billy was feeling better and was moving more like himself, but Ennis wanted to get the wound on Billy's back checked out.

Billy began stripping off his shirt. Ennis stood by the bunkhouse door and said,"I'll go over to the house and call into Riverton to see if Doc Adams will let us come by his place so he can look at your back... you go ahead and get cleaned up. I'll be back over in a bit"

"Sure, Ennis... I'm gonna take a hot shower. Wyomin is the coldest place I ever seen!" Billy sat down carefully and began pulling off his boots.

Ennis led the horses over to the stable in the twilight and removed their bridle & saddles and set out some feed. His clothes had long dried but he was feeling the evening chill through his thin shirt. He was heading over to the house when Chet called to him from his office that butted up to the side of the stables.

"Del Mar! …I need a minute with you."

Chet had worked for old man Barker for more than thirty years. He'd come up to Riverton from Colorado in the early sixties to find some land and set up his own small cattle operation. He took a job with Barker that first summer... and never left the place. Chet was a good ten years older than Ennis and about half a foot shorter, with a full head of salt & pepper hair and handlebar mustache. What he didn't have in height he made up for in attitude. Chet quickly proved himself to Barker in those early days to be someone who could handle the seasonal ranch hands well and over the years he'd become a fixture at the ranch. Chet had long since given up on getting his own place - but Ennis always thought he acted like he owned the Barker ranch.

Ennis knew that the old man had put a lot of trust and responsibility on Chet - and Ennis never doubted that Chet was a loyal employee... but he didn't like him just the same. Ennis always felt that Chet was sneering at him - and when he had to submit his supply requests there where always questions about why he needed this or what was he gonna do with that. Chet made things more difficult and enjoyed doing it.

Ennis and Chet walked into the cramped office where Chet had his desk and Chair. Filing cabinets were lined up along one wall and several clipboards were hanging on nails along the chair rail behind the desk. Everything was in order, just the way Chet liked it. Chet sat down behind his desk and Ennis stood in the open doorway - the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling lit the little office with a harsh light.

"Mr Barker wants you to take the big truck down to Laramie in the morinin to pick up three men who're gonna be workin with us this summer. One of em's Big Scotty, he did a real good job last year and he's got two amigos he's recommended to me. I'll give em a try." Chet picked up the large pickle jar he kept on the floor behind his desk and spit the dark tobacco juice into it. Ennis noticed it was half full already. "I need you to take the truck on over to the Texaco and get that radiator leak fixed or you'll never make it to Laramie and back. They're open til nine... what the hell happened to your hat?"

Ennis didn't like taking orders from Chet, he preferred to deal with the old man directly. "I had to stick it up under my saddle when we crossed the river - the water was runnin fast so I let the horses cross solo."

Chet just stared at Ennis, "…you bout finished up with Barker's nephew?... we ain't got time for anymore babysittin... things is heatin up fast and we got to get them cattle on the move in the next coupla weeks... I don't even know why he come up here anyway, anybody can see he don't know what he's doin...he'll be high tailin it back to Texas once the real work begins."

Ennis didn't reply to this, he knew that Chet felt threatened by Billy's presence. "You got anything else?"

"Nope, that's all for right now. You hear about Joe Aguirre?" Ennis continued to lean against the door post. "... he dropped dead yesterday - he was eighty five and still working his place...he was a tough bastard. Didn't you work for him some years back when he had that sheep operation down near Brokeback?"

"Yep… one summer... years ago - he stiffed me out of a month's pay..." Ennis looked at Chet with a blank face.

"I thought I remember him mentionin somethin about it some years back..." The black phone on Chet's desk rang, he picked it up and started talking.

Ennis went over to the house to see Barker and let him know about what happened on the trip. They sat at the kitchen table and talked for a while.

Billy stripped down and turned on the hot water full blast. He stepped into the open shower stall that all the ranch hands used. The hot water felt great spraying on his shoulders and back - even though it stung the fresh scrapes. He turned around under the nozzle and let the warm liquid beat on his chest, sluicing down his flat belly and into the reddish brown patch of hair between his legs. He knew that Ennis felt bad about what happened. He hadn't said a word from the time they left the lake til they reached the bunkhouse. He thought about how gentle Ennis had been tending to his wounds and he could see the concern in his eyes. Despite Ennis's inscrutable exterior, Billy knew there was a kind, compassionate man underneath the façade. Billy stood there in the steaming shower thinking about Ennis and letting the hot water warm him to the core.

"You better watch that when the other cow pokes get here…"

Billy looked up with a start… it was Chet. He was standing in the bath house door. Billy turned away with embarrassment, he had not realized he'd gotten a hard on.

"Get dressed - I'm gonna run you down to Doc Adams - he'll take a look at that cut on your back…" Chet walked out.

Billy lathered up his body and washed his hair and quickly rinsed. He stepped out of the shower and dried off, carefully patting off his back. He put on some clean clothes and combed his hair. He was glad it had been Chet who'd walked in on him instead of Ennis.

Chapter Six

Late May was the beginning of the busy season at the ranch. Barker usually took on an additional five workers to get them through the summer. The main goal was to drive the herd, almost 8000 head of cattle - up to the summer grazing land. Any pregnant cows were held back until they'd calved and were usually taken to the upper pastures before the end of June. Billy moved out of the little apartment and into the main bunkhouse, he didn't want any of the new men to think that he thought he was better than them just because he was Barker's nephew.

Ennis oversaw Billy and the five hired hands. The days were long and hard for the next month and Ennis did not get much time to spend one on one with Billy. He admired the way Billy pitched right in - and was impressed at how easily he made friends with the other guys, something Ennis had always found hard to do. Ennis decided to split the herd into two groups - driving first one and then the other up the canyons. It took three days to get each herd up to summer pasture. Ennis split the men up so that only two would have to over night it each day. He purposely made sure that he and Billy weren't paired up. He felt it was best if he distanced himself from the young man… to let Billy learn for himself and build up confidence… but mainly because the six weeks that Ennis had spent with Billy had awakened long repressed feelings within him - feelings that Ennis knew could be dangerous for both of them.

By late June most of the cattle had made the journey to the summer grazing land. Old man Barker would often come out on his horse to check on things. He was concerned about the number of losses he'd had the previous year to wolves - so he decided to keep two men posted at the high camp at all times so they could have easy access to the herds - he let Ennis handle the details. Ennis knew how isolated it could be to have men out there for weeks at a time - so he set up a rotating schedule that allowed the men to return to the ranch every other week. This seemed to work out well but it left them short handed for the chores that had to be done down in the valley. Towards the end of the month all of the heifers had been taken up with their new calves. The horses had produced several foal earlier in the month - and there was one mare left to go. Ennis could tell she was carrying twins and that she was gonna have a hard time of it. When the day came that he knew she was getting close to giving birth he decided to sleep over in the stables... he preferred it to the loud, stinking hot bunk house. Ennis brought her into a stall piled high with fresh hay and gave her some extra water. He rolled out his bed blankets in the next stall and stretched out on the soft bed. He liked the smell of the hay and feed and the gentle grunts of the horses. Barker & Chet had gone down to Colorado Springs for a few days to handle some business. Two of the men were at high camp, and Ennis had let the other three head into Riverton to blow off some steam.

As he lie there with his hat over his face, he thought about that first day he met Jack - standing outside of Aguirre's trailer. He chuckled as he thought of the cocky way Jack pulled up in his truck and strutted around like a rooster in his black hat. Ennis had immediately been attracted to Jack, but not in the way he later came to be... as they walked over to the bar for a drink, Ennis knew it was going be an interesting summer, but at that time he had no concept of the experiences he and Jack would later have. Ennis wondered what his life would have been like if he'd never met Jack - never had taken that job up on ol' Brokeback. He figured it probably would have been a hell of a lot easier... but he knew he wouldn't have had it any other way... he dozed dreamlessly for a while.

Ennis could hear the mare rustling in the hay in the next stall. She was becoming more agitated so Ennis knew the time was getting close. He got up and took his knife, rope and some burlap sacks over into the stall. He tied the mare up tight to prevent her from lying down... rolled up the sleeve of his faded plaid shirt, greased up his arm and stuck it up inside her to feel how far along she was. He didn't have to go in far to feel the hooves of the birthing foal. He washed his arm in the bucket of water and walked to the entrance of the stables. It was a warm, still night... the front porch light was on at the house which was otherwise dark. The bunk house was lit up as always... nobody seemed to be around... he turned and Billy was standing outside the stall of the mare, he'd come in the side door where all the riding gear was stored.

"Hey Ennis, I see you got your hands full here." Billy needed a haircut, his dark red hair was beginning to curl in the back - his face was ruddy from the past few weeks of being continuously out in the sun... Ennis was glad to see him.

"It ain't nothin I can't handle... I thought you'd gone into Riverton. Hell, you ain't had a day off in more n' a month."

Ennis walked over and stood next to Billy and looked into the stall. "Well we might as well give her a helping hand... grab that thin rope over there."

Billy went into the stall and gave the length of rope to Ennis. The foal's front hooves were now protruding from the mare. Ennis tied one end of the rope carefully around the foal's legs and backed away a bit, handing the other end to Billy.

"Give her a tug. "

Billy took the rope from Ennis and backed away some in case the mare might kick. He pulled firmly and the foal slowly emerged from the mare... plopping in a wet heap on the soft hay below. It wasn't much longer after that the second foal made an appearance, but it didn't need any help making its way into the world.

Ennis untied the mare and they watched her cleaning her foals. Billy was kneeling in the hay watching intently, smiling - looking up at Ennis then back at the mare.

"Ennis I sure have missed you... seems like we don't never get to hang out and talk anymore."

Ennis just kept watching the mare licking the after birth off her newborns.

Billy said, "Now that the herd's been moved, you think maybe we could take an afternoon to do some riding down on the south end? I ain't really gotten to see any of that part yet." Billy looked eagerly at Ennis.

Ennis looked down at his boots, "Well… I suppose we could do that."

Another two weeks of long, hard days passed and Billy still hadn't heard anything from Ennis about the two of them getting away for an afternoon. Billy knew that Ennis had a lot on him and did not want to bug him about it. In addition to all the work at the ranch, Uncle Vernon had mentioned to him that Ennis's daughter was having problems with her husband and had left him. Ennis was fixing up a garage apartment in town for her and the girls in his spare time, what little there was of it.

The brutal July sun made the ranch work even harder. Billy never imagined a place could be so cold in the winter and hot in the summer - but he felt that the beauty of the country made it worth it. Billy liked the ranch work and felt he had learned a tremendous amount about how to oversee an operation like this. He knew that if it had not been for Ennis this would not be the case. Billy was in awe of the man. One evening Billy had supper with Uncle Vernon in the house... he carefully steered the conversation around to Ennis.

"Uncle Vernon, you're sure lucky to have Ennis lookin out for things around here..."

The old man was chewing a piece of steak, "Yep, I sure am."

Billy got up and spooned some more field peas onto his plate and got another piece of corn bread, "You know much about his past?... like, where'd he learn so much about cattle and horse tendin?... he got any family besides his daughter & grandkids in Riverton?"

"Well Billy, I've known Ennis nigh on a dozen years now... and I can't say I know anymore about him now than I did when he first started up here as a summer hand. He's a very private man, and I respect that... all I care about is that he does a honest days work for me."

Vernon Sr. knew a little more about Ennis than he was letting on. He knew that the man was haunted by something from his past. He had cut Ennis a lot of slack in those early years. Sometimes Ennis wouldn't show back up to work for days at a time... but when Ennis would sheepishly knock on the kitchen door holding his beat up white hat in his hand - the old man would give him a good talking to then hire him back. That's not something he'd ever done for anybody else. He had a tender spot where Ennis was concerned, though that's something he wouldn't let on to a living soul, except Rita. She was like a mother to Ennis when she was living - and the old man could see that Ennis took it hard when she died a few years back. During the past five years it seemed like Ennis had turned a corner and the old man couldn't ask for a more loyal, trustworthy employee. Nope, he didn't ever ask Ennis any questions. He knew that all men had their demons, himself included. The situation with Vernon Jr. had torn away a piece of his heart. It was ultimately something a man had to come to terms with on his own... or die trying.

Billy sensed that his uncle did not want to discuss Ennis, so he ate quietly for a few minutes.

"Billy, now that you've had a chance to get a feel for what we do up here, what are you thinking?"

Billy looked at the peas on his plate for a moment then said, "I like it Uncle Vernon - but I'm still not sure if I'm the man for the job. Give me some more time."

"There's no hurry son." Then he looked straight at Billy, "I've been watchin you, Billy - you're a natural at this... and I'm not talkin so much about the actual ranching. You're good at that, alright. I mean, you know how to deal with people, son. I've watched you with those cow pokes out there in the bunkhouse - they respect you. You even got ol' Chet startin to change his mind on you!"

"Thank you, Uncle - I 'preciate your confidence in me."

As Billy was heading back over to the bunk house he saw Ennis grooming one of the horses just outside the front entrance to the stables.

"Hey Ennis, how you doin, friend?"

"Hey Billy", he continued brushing down the horse "doin fine... you have supper with the old man?"

"Yep, he was just checking to see how I was doing - I said I was doing alright thanks to you."

Ennis stopped the brushing and stood up straight... "You done it all on your own, Billy - you don't need my help no more." He went back to working on the horse.

Billy walked into the stables pretending to check on the horses. He was hoping Ennis would say something about heading down to the south part of the spread. Finally, he walked back outside - looked up at the stars that were just coming out and said, "Well, nite Ennis - you take care."

Billy walked slowly back towards the bunkhouse, sorely disappointed.

Ennis called, "Hey! I almost forgot... I got somethin I been meanin to give you."

Billy stopped and turned with his hands in his back pockets and strolled back towards the stables. Ennis dropped the brush and went behind the door and came back out with a box. "Here you go buddy, I woulda took care of this a while back - but I had a few things come up."

Billy accepted the pasteboard box from Ennis, he pulled off the top. "Well I'll be!... damn if this ain't a surprise!"

Ennis soaked up Billy's radiant smile. "Well, it's the least I could do since you lost the other one on account of me."

Billy took out the black Resistol hat, admiring it. He placed it on his head, bending up the sides, positioning it just right.

"How's it look?"

Ennis smiled his crooked smile. "You look like a real cowboy Billy - yep, you look just fine..." Ennis started to lead the horse back into the stables... then paused, "How bout we meet up right here bout six in the mornin?... hell, we deserve a whole day!"

Billy stood smiling - he watched Ennis disappear into the stall with the horse... then he kicked up some dust with his boot and ran back to the bunkhouse.

Chapter Seven

Billy was so excited he could hardly sleep - normally he'd be asleep the minute his head hit the pillow on his wooden bunk. The noise from the other ranch hands didn't even wake him - even when they came in late, drunk from a night out in Riverton. He dozed off and on but decided to get on up around four. He showered and shaved and put on his good jeans. He stood before the little mirror in the shower area and placed the hat on his head. Never had he been given such a gift - this was now his most cherished posession. Billy preened before the mirror. He guessed that Ennis kind of looked on him like a son, even though there was only fifteen years difference in their ages.

The past month and a half had really been hard on Billy - not because of all the grueling work - he loved that! ...but because he did not get to work with Ennis as close as they had the first six weeks after he arrived. The overnight trip they took early in May had been about the best time Billy had ever had - even the river crossing. He thought about that cold night when he felt Ennis move in behind him. He could have sworn that Ennis had smelled him... but maybe he'd just imagined it. Billy had feelings for Ennis like he had for Chad all those years ago - only much stronger. It was more than friendship. It made Billy nervous when he thought about it... a good kind of nervous.

Whenever he'd spot Ennis across the herd on horseback - he'd keep watching him until the dust and distance made him disappear. Sometimes he'd stand just inside the bunkhouse door, in the shadows - the bright sun shining outside. He'd observe Ennis while he worked across the way in the stable with the horses, and wonder what Ennis was whispering in their ears. He even thought he heard him humming a church hymn one day. Ennis seemed to always wear the same type jeans and long sleeved, faded plaid shirts - with his dusty old white hat. One hot afternoon Ennis was chopping wood - because even during the summer there was a chill at night. Billy felt his heartbeat quicken when Ennis took off his hat and shirt - his lean, muscular body defying his fifty one years. After he'd finished, Billy watched Ennis sponge off the sweat and dust and then sit just inside the barn door swigging a beer.

Six o'clock came and went - then seven, then eight. Billy felt his heart sinking with each passing minute. Maybe something bad had happened? Both of them had the day off so neither Chet nor the other hired hands were expecting him. Billy sat alone in the bunkhouse almost in tears. He took off the hat and carefully set it on his little bedside table next to his wind up alarm clock. He lay down on his bunk and was soon asleep.

Ennis woke up to the sound of knocking at his trailer door... it wasn't yet 5AM. That meant something bad must have happened up at the ranch. He got out of bed and pulled on his jeans that were hanging over the back of a chair. He opened the metal door and Alma Jr. was standing there, he could tell she'd been crying.

"Get in here baby girl... what's wrong darlin?" He helped her up the step and closed the door... he reached for his shirt and put it on - he stood over where she sat, in his bare feet, with a concerned look. "Tell me baby, what's wrong?... is Kurt botherin you again?"

Alma Jr. was not prone to being overly emotional - something she got from Ennis. She'd felt really bad that she had to bother her father during the height of the summer herding season - but Pete had become so intolerable these past months that Ennis was the only person she had to turn to for help. She was never too close to her mother - she and her step dad got along ok - but they had moved to Cheyenne the previous year - too far to be of any practical assistance. She was grateful that Ennis fixed up a place for her and the kids - making sure they had everything they needed. He'd checked in on her every day for a week after they'd moved out of Kurt's mother's place. They'd had to move in with her after Kurt lost his job and they couldn't pay the rent for their apartment. Alma was lucky that her mother-in-law still offered to look after the kids during the day while she was at work as a teller at the Riverton bank.

"Daddy, I'm sorry to bother you so early - but I wanted to catch you before you left." Alma brushed away her brown hair from where it stuck to her wet cheek. "No, Kurt ain't bothering us...he did come to see me last night though."

Ennis looked at her intently. Alma Jr. was the only person he could look straight in the eye without feeling self conscious, he knew her love was unconditional.

"Kurt wants me to take him back... Daddy, he's real sorry for the way he's been. He even has a good offer for a job down in Syler. He'll be working as a mechanic at that new assembly plant they built down there...it's got good pay and benefits."

Ennis felt his heart drop, he knew what this meant and why Alma was upset. Syler was down near the Colorado border - a good four hour drive from Riverton.

"Daddy, I love Kurt... he's a good man, he's never hurt me and I know he loves me and the kids. He's just been going through a rough patch these past couple of years." Alma began to cry softly. Ennis sat down next to her on the beat up old couch seat and put his arm around her.

"Then that's where you should be, baby... with your husband." He stroked her soft hair and wiped the tears off her cheek with his long rough fingers. "Don't worry about me, baby... I'll be fine. We can meet up every few weeks - it'll all work out fine."

"You've been so good to us Daddy. I hate leaving like this after all you did to fix the apartment up for us."

Alma stayed at the trailer for a couple of hours and she and Ennis drank coffee and talked about the past. Ennis understood that his daughter knew him and loved him better than anyone else. It pained him that he could not open up to her more... but that was impossible. He did not want to burden her with his problems. Ennis was happy for Alma, he truly hoped that things would work out between her and Kurt. He put on a happy front for her and even made a couple of jokes and got her to smile. Alma Jr. and the kids would move down to Syler and the end of the month. Ennis said he'd help them get things together and even ask old man Barker for a day off to help them move down.

As he stood outside his trailer in his bare feet watching Alma's car disappear down the long, straight road - he felt the lonely pangs beginning in his stomach. The low clouds obscured the view of the distant mountains.

"Wake up little darlin."

Billy stirred, then opened his eyes - he did not know how long he'd been sleeping.

"Wake up buddy, daylight's a burnin'" Ennis was standing at the end of the bunk smiling down at him. "I'm sorry I'm late, Billy - somethin kind of important came up... we still got plenty of time to ride south."

Billy felt a rush of relief, "Ennis! I'm damn happy to see you... is everything ok?"

"Everything's just fine."

Billy splashed some water on his face, then grabbed his hat and they headed over to the stables. They saddled their horses and filled a canteen with water. Ennis had packed them some food the night before.

The southern part of the ranch differed greatly from the foothills and canyons to the north. The Barker ranch was located in the transition zone where the great plains of the upper mid west finally give way to the Rocky Mountains. The south part of the ranch was mostly flat, dry grasslands with some stands of juniper and pine. This was the area where the cattle would winter over. It could still be very cold and snowy in the winter - but not as bitter cold as the mountains and upper range land where the cattle were currently being fattened to be sold for slaughter in a few weeks.

Ennis and Billy made their way out of the sheltered valley where the house and stables were located. As they cleared the ridge the land opened up and the sky could be seen a full 180 degrees. The early morning clouds had burned off and it was promising to be a spectacular bright, hot summer day.

Billy's heart was singing... he rode abreast with Ennis... glancing over at him every few minutes. When they reached the open, flat grassland - Billy couldn't help but let out a "whoop!" and he kicked his horse into a gallup, pulling away from Ennis. Ennis grinned, pulled his hat down tight on his head and started after him. He felt like a kid again. It didn't take long for Ennis to catch up with Billy and they slowed some, letting the warm wind hit them in the face as they crossed the expanse. Ennis pulled his horse to a stop and Billy circled back to him.

"Wow, Ennis - I haven't been able to let loose like that in a long time. Man, that was fun!"

Ennis took off his hat and pointed at the horizon. "See out that a way... right there where that ridgeline comes out onto the flat part...that's where we'll bring the herds out in about eight weeks... won't be long til there'll be snow up in the mountains."

They moved onward towards a stand of trees in the distance. Thirty minutes later they were standing along the side of a large, clear lake. They dismounted and let the horses drink and rest. Ennis took down his pack and they walked up into the trees. Ennis sat down with his back against a trunk. Billy sprawled out on the ground next to him.

"Damn, this sure is purdy."

Ennis pulled out a couple of sandwiches from the pack and they ate. They passed the canteen back and forth.

"Ennis, I gotta be honest, I sure have missed gettin to hang out with you like this." Billy took another bite of his sandwich. "I like them other guys ok but they just don't look at things the way you and I do. Hell, all they ever do is talk about goin into Riverton and gettin drunk... you know how it is..."

"Yep, I know...", Ennis finished off his sandwich and was leaning back against the tree chewing on a toothpick... looking out at the pristine lake. "Them guys has had rough lives, Billy. Gettin drunk is about all the fun they ever have. When you take over the ranch from your uncle you'll see a lot of cow pokes come and go... you gotta let em let their hair down every now and then."

Billy looked down at a bug crawling on the ground. "Ennis, I still ain't sure I'm gonna take Uncle Vernon up on his offer... it just don't set right with me - he's got a son of his own... besides, the old man has still got a lot of years left in him, he may be pushin seventy but you'd never know it."

"You may be right, Billy... what do I know?"

Billy looked up at Ennis, afraid he'd offended him.

Ennis stood up, took off his hat and set it down by the tree. "How bout we take a swim... it must be 100 degrees out here."

They both stripped down to their under shorts. Billy ran to the side of the lake and splashed in, Ennis followed in behind him.

The water was cool and shallow - only six feet deep at the most. Billy swam out about fifty yards from the shore. Ennis floated on his back for a while, looking up at the deep blue sky... only to have Billy sneak up on him and push him under. Ennis came back up grabbed Billy around the waist and hoisted him up out of the water then threw him back in... they both laughed and splashed around.

Ennis got out of the water and sat down on the sandy shore in the hot sun to dry off. The sun felt good on his shoulders and back. Billy continued to swim, bobbing under to get rocks off the bottom... after a few more minutes he also got out and lay out flat on his back on the sand next to Ennis. He put his arm over his eyes to shield them from the bright sun.

Billy said, "This is the life."

Ennis responded, "Yep."

They both lay on the sandy shore and dozed in the sun. Billy quietly rolled onto his side facing Ennis, who was on his back with his eyes closed, hands behind his head. Billy studied him - the handsome profile, strong chest and shoulders - the light brown hair on his chest, curling some around his nipples and making a trail down his belly. Billy could see the outline of Ennis's penis through the thin white cotton boxers, the water making them almost translucent... his muscular thighs and legs covered with fine brown hairs.

Ennis reached over and pulled Billy to him - he kissed Billy hard on the lips, his hand on the back of Billy's head.

Billy jumped up with a startled look on his face. Ennis sat up and grabbed Billy by the ankle, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry, buddy! I just got carried a way for a minute." Ennis felt panicked, could he have misinterpreted Billy?

Billy backed away from where Ennis was still sitting. "We'd better head back to the ranch... It's ok Ennis, I ain't gonna say anything... you know I wouldn't."

Billy walked back up into the trees and got dressed. Ennis sat on the sand for a while longer, strong emotion washing over him, he took a deep breath and got up... he dressed quickly.

They rode back to the ranch in silence. Ennis knew that Billy wouldn't say anything about what happened - but his heart ached just the same.

Chapter Eight

Over the next few weeks the work around the ranch increased significantly. Preparations had to be made to bring the cattle down from the summer grazing lands by the end of August. Ennis would have to oversee the selection process for deciding which head would be sold and which would be driven to the south ranch to winter over. Fall lasts only a couple of weeks in the mountains and high plains of Wyoming, some locals say there's no autumn season at all - that it goes directly from summer to winter. "It's a hunnert degrees one day then thirty below the next…" - so timing was important.

Ennis was thankful to be busy again - he avoided Billy as much as he could and when he couldn't, he kept his hat down and his responses single worded. Ennis still couldn't figure out how he'd missed the mark so badly… but what happened at the lake was totally unplanned, spur of the moment. When Ennis shad seen Billy looking him over, a sudden urge overcame him and he'd given in to it.

Ennis tried to remember what it was like before he and Jack finally came together. Of course, with Jack the signals were unmistakeable. Ennis had just been too naïve to see them the first couple of weeks on the mountain - but when a guy grabs your hand and places it on his privates, that's a pretty good sign he's interested in more than a game of cards. Nope, Jack had made it easy for him, and he was grateful for that. Ennis could not believe that Billy would intentionally lead him on. The guy was much too good hearted to do that. Ennis just chalked it up to bad judgement on his part - he had no hard feelings about it at all - but he was very embarrassed and ashamed. Ennis figured that this season would be his last on the Barker place - he couldn't stay around with this thing hanging over his head… especially since Billy was going to be taking charge of the operation. Ennis would never walk out and leave the old man in a lurch - he'd just have to do his job and lay low until the season was over - he figured he'd pull out by mid-October.

One evening, about a week after the incident at the lake, Ennis was stowing away some gear in the barn when Chet walked in, he had a big plug of tobacco in his cheek. "Ennis, when you finish that up, come over to my office, I need to talk to you about something", he walked out abruptly.

Ennis took his time completing his work, he even went to double check on the horses even though he'd just done it - Chet could wait.

Chet's office door was open - he was behind his desk talking on the phone. Ennis stood in the door way. Chet motioned him in, hung up the phone and got up and closed the door. Ennis sat awkwardly in the chair - he didn't bother to take off his hat.

"Del Mar, I'm gonna tell you something I think you need to know - even though it's against my better judgement." Chet sat back down behind his desk again.

Ennis shifted in the hard wooden chair, it squeaked.

"Mr Barker ain't doing too well, he wouldn't want me telling you this but under the circumstances…"

"What circumstances would those be, Chet?" Ennis wasn't about to cow tow to this little bastard.

"There ain't nobody in line to take over the ranch. Vernon Jr. is gone and the old man has made sure he can't ever come back here. Nope, there's nobody, at least not anybody I think is capable of doing it by themselves."

Ennis knew that this remark was aimed at Billy - he let it pass.

Chet continued, "Now, I been working for Mr Barker for a long time. I know the finances and I know how to get the best deal for the cattle in the market…" Chet stood up and walked to the front of his desk and leaned on it, he was right in front of Ennis. "… and you know how to get a days work outta those ranch hands. As I see it, you and me is the only ones who can keep this place goin proper." Chet lifted up the pickle jar off the desk and spit. "I know you don't care for me, Del Mar - but I'm askin you to go to the old man with me and have a good hard talk with him about the future of this place. I ain't sayin that I'm wantin him to just hand it over to us… but there's legal ways to set things up so that you and me can continue the operation without bringing in any outsiders. Hell, that Texas nephew of his would run this place into the ground inside a year!"

Ennis took off his hat and looked straight the little rooster. "Chet, Mr Barker has been real good to me over the years - and I don't want to see a hundred years of work go down the drain… but you're crazy if you think I'd ever partner up with the likes of you." He put his hat back on his head and turned to leave.

Chet's face turned a bright red. "Shit, I'd be the one lowerin myself to work with you… I used to work for Joe Aguirre back in the 70's… he told me all about what you and that other boy was doin up on Brokeback when you was supposed to be looking out for his sheep…"

Ennis turned to face Chet, his hands were clenched, his face hard… "you don't know what the hell you're talking about…" He made a step toward the little man…then stopped, "Billy Barker's gonna take on the ranch when the old man decides it's time and there ain't nothin you can do about it."

Chet backed up behind his desk again. "Well it's gonna be soon Del Mar! Those weren't business trips he's been takin down to Colorado… he's got cancer and the doctors can't do nothin for it…"

Ennis stood another moment - then he walked out.

Ennis hopped in his truck and floored it all the way back to his trailer, he was angry but mostly he felt a deep sense of shame creeping up his back, bending over his shoulders - his face was still flush. How could Aguirre have known about him and Jack? They were alone on that mountain that whole summer. Aguirre had rode up only one time. Then Ennis remembered the way Aguirre sneered at him when he went to pick up his pay that last day. Now Ennis knew why Aguirre had pulled them off the mountain three weeks early. How could he have known!.. and who else knew?

Billy couldn't understand why he had pulled away from Ennis at the lake. Wasn't that what he'd been wanting all along?…without really knowing or understanding it? He knew he had hurt Ennis badly and Billy did his very best to act as if everything was still the same. But Ennis would have none of it. Billy knew that he was avoiding him so he decided to let some time pass before trying to talk with Ennis about it. But days turned into weeks and the work days were longer than they'd been all summer… and after a while it just became too difficult to broach the subject - not that Billy ever saw Ennis much any more.

Billy felt that he was a failure at the ranch and over the next few weeks he decided that he would not accept his uncle's offer. Wyoming was beautiful - and he'd learned a lot and felt he'd accomplished a lot, too - but it was like a foreign country to Billy. Billy made up his mind that he would return to Texas after the cattle drive was over. He dreaded telling his uncle and hated letting him down - but Billy just couldn't see any way around it.

The Barker family went back four generations in north central Wyoming. Vernon Barker's great grandfather came to the territory when there were still Indians roaming the mountains and his grandfather was the first to set up a ranching operation on the slopes north of Riverton. Vernon Barker was a proud man and well respected throughout the community. He served as president of the Wyoming Cattlemen's Association for most of the 1970's and was even considered a good candidate for the state legislature in his early days - though he never had any interest in politics. Vernon's passion was for the land. He grew up on the ranch and he married his high school sweetheart, Rita Powell. They had two son's, Vernon Jr. and Robert. Robert died in a car crash in the summer of 1963 on the road between Riverton and the ranch. It was a brutal loss for Vernon and Rita, only to be exceeded by their estrangement from Vernon Jr. a decade later. Any other man might have turn bitter, but Vernon Barker accepted the blows as they came - always trying learn something from them. He was the first to admit that in his younger days he was a hard man. The profit was foremost among his priorities and ranch hands were a commodity that could easily be replaced. The years had mellowed him - but the land was still his passion and he desperately wanted a Barker to oversee the ranch into the next century. Billy was his savior - he had exceeded the old man's expectations. Vernon observed the young man at work and how he interacted with the hired help. Vernon felt he was a natural. During the past few months he had felt a peace of mind that had alluded him for years. The diagnosis of an inoperable lung tumor the year before was just another obstacle to him- one that he felt he could beat. He'd been through the radiation and chemotherapy treatments with few side affects… but during his most recent visit to the hospital the doctor made it clear that the cancer was going to take him soon - within a couple of months.

Billy sat down at the kitchen table with his uncle - he could tell that the old man was not feeling well - but had no idea of how sick he really was.

The old man spoke first. "Billy, I'm real happy with what you've done this summer… when we talked last time you were still not sure. I need to know son - have you made a decision?"

Billy looked down at the pattern on the oil cloth covering the kitchen table - it reminded him of an apron that his mom used to wear. "Yessir, I've pretty much made up my mind."

There was a silence. "I ain't the man for the job Uncle Vernon, I'm sorry, I know you was countin on me… it just wouldn't work. I'm plannin to finish out the summer - then I'll head on back down to Weatherford - I'm real sorry, sir."

The old man looked as tired as Billy had ever seen him. He stood up and extended his hand to Billy. "I understand son - nothing to be sorry about - you've done a great job this summer - I know you'll do well at whatever you decide to do… hell, I'll work something out - don't you worry about it now."

Billy shook his uncle's hand - and they walked out onto the back porch together.

"Take a look at that moon, Billy - ain't nothing prettier than a full moon rising up over the mountains."

"No sir, I ain't never seen anything as purdy… ", Billy walked back to the bunkhouse.

Instead of heading straight to his trailer, Ennis decided to take a detour... to the Riverton bar. He'd not been in there in a long time - though it used to be one of his regular haunts in the years after Jack's death. It was Alma Jr. who'd put a stop to it. Ennis couldn't say no to that girl on much of anything. Ennis decided he would get good and drunk. He felt he was entitled to it. Before he entered the bar he pulled down the front of his hat to shield his eyes - not that he was ashamed to been seen in a bar... but after what Chet had said to him he now felt like everybody knew. It was a Thursday night and Ennis was glad there weren't too many people inside. He went up to the bar and ordered a bottle of whiskey - he paid for it and took it to a table in the darkest corner of the place. He proceeded to consume the entire bottle - one glass at a time.

Billy returned to the bunkhouse. One of the Mexicans was in the shower - it was otherwise empty. He sat on the edge of his bunk looking at the splintered wood floor. He felt so bad for doing that to the old man - and it was even worse that his uncle had taken it so well. A few minutes later he heard raised voices coming out of Chet's office. He recognized Ennis's voice right off but couldn't make out what was being said... or shouted. Billy walked to the bunkhouse entrance and peered out into the darkness. He saw Ennis storm out of Chet's office and speed off in his truck. Billy figured that Chet was ragging Ennis about ordering too many supplies. From the beginning Billy could tell that Chet had it in for Ennis.

After Ennis had gone - he decided to walk over to Chet's office... Billy stuck his head in the door..."Evnin', Chet."

Chet was behind his desk, he glared up at Billy - not saying anything.

"Anything the matter?... I just saw Ennis stormin outta here"

Chet stood and said with a sneer, "Nothing that's any of your business, son... this is a matter that I'll take up with your uncle, there's some things he needs to know about the kind of men he's got workin around here."

Billy didn't say anything. Chet walked over and shut the door in BIlly's face.

What could Ennis have done to make Chet so mad?... and what was he gonna say to Uncle Vernon?

Billy decided that now was as good a time as any to clear the air with Ennis. He went back to the bunkhouse to get his hat and took the work truck keys that were hanging on a nail by the door. The night was warm and clear. He'd never been to Ennis's place but he knew where it was... just south of town. Billy headed ten miles down the dirt track that lead to the main road into Riverton - he turned south. The road was dark and straight as an arrow... it reminded him of the night of the accident. He turned on the radio to clear the thoughts from his head and listened to music the rest of the way. He did not see Ennis's truck parked outside the bar as he drove through town - he continued on to the trailer.

Billy pulled up in front of Ennis's trailer. It was dark and he could see that Ennis's truck was not there. He parked in front of the trailer and sat in the truck for a few minutes. Then he got out and walked around. The trailer was small with rust stains running down the metal roof. But everything was neat and tidy. Tools were stored in a small shed next to the trailer. A clothes line had been run from the trailer roof to a light pole some ten yards away. Billy noticed a little garden around back. There was even a flower pot on the front door stoop. Billy felt pangs of guilt about what had happened at the lake. Ennis was the most decent, kindest man he'd ever met and he could not bear the thought that he had hurt him. Billy got back into the truck and reclined the seat back a bit. He'd wait here all night if he had to.

Ennis finished the bottle of whiskey - he didn't feel any better than when he'd started it - and he sure as hell didn't feel drunk. It was getting late and some of the locals had already left the bar. A Waylon Jennings song was playing on the juke box and two guys were throwing darts at the end of the bar.

The bar maid stopped by his table, "You needin anything else, sugar?" Ennis looked up at the middle aged woman - she had large breasts, teased hair and too much make up. "Nope, I'm right fine." Close to midnight Ennis decided to head home - he had to be back at the ranch by 5AM. He got up from the table and went to the bathroom to piss, as he was standing at the urinal looking at the wall, he saw where somebody had scratched over some writing, it was a name and phone number that he couldn't make out. He shook his penis and stuffed it back into his jeans and zipped them up.

Ennis pulled up to his trailer and almost rammed into the back of the work truck - at first he thought that maybe Chet had sent somebody down to tell him he was fired - then he saw Billy getting out of the driver's side. Ennis got out of his truck and walked straight to the trailer door - he never locked it - no need to in this town. He didn't have anything anybody would want to steal anyway. Billy stood quietly behind him... Ennis turned...

"What the hell you doin out here in the middle of the night?... your uncle send you out here to fire me?"

Billy could tell Ennis had been drinking, he'd never seen him like this. "No Ennis, I came to talk to you - I want to clear the air between us."

Ennis opened the trailer door and stepped up inside - he turned on a little lamp on the kitchen counter then sat down on the couch and started taking off his boots. Billy stood for a moment in the open door.

Ennis slurred, "You better close that door - you don't anybody seein you, do you?"

"I'm always right proud to be seen with you, Ennis", he felt his face redden.

Billy closed the door and sat in a wooden chair facing the couch. A coffee table was between him and Ennis. He looked around the trailer. There was the sitting area with the old couch, end table and lamp and a small TV on a table next to the door - the floor was covered with a thin carpet. The kitchen had mismatched appliances - and Billy could see down the little hall to the bedroom, the door to the little hall closet was slightly opened. Billy could see some shirts hanging inside. The place was neat as a pin - a stack of folded clothes was on one end of the couch, Billy recognized some of the faded shirts that Ennis always wore.

Ennis was having some trouble removing his boots but Billy waited til he got them off. Ennis sat on the couch in his socks facing Billy.

Billy finally asked, "What happened with Chet tonight? I heard you two arguing..." Ennis didn't answer.

Billy got up and went over and stood at the end of the couch. "You're the best friend I ever had... I want us to be friends again... the thing that happened up at the lake, it don't make no difference between us."

Ennis laid back on the couch, his legs spread wide - he put the palms of his hands to his eyes and rubbed them.

"I talked with Uncle Vernon tonight. I told him that I'd be headin back to Texas after the season's over..." Billy continued standing, looking down at Ennis.

Ennis took his hands down from his eyes and looked at Billy. "You can't do that to the old man, Billy! - he's countin on you... you're the only one! It ain't fair for a man to put his whole life into a place only to see it sold off at the end..."

"He can keep lookin after it for a few more years - he said he'd work somethin out"

Ennis leaned forward, "he ain't got no more time Billy! The man's dyin!" Even in his drunken state Ennis wished he could take back those words.

Billy looked stricken. "What the hell you talkin about Ennis! I just talked to the man not more 'n four hours ago..." Billy thought about how tired his uncle looked when he told him he wasn't going to stay. "Is that what you and Chet was arguin about?"

Ennis pulled himself up from the couch and faced Billy, "I'm sorry buddy, it ain't none a my business...it wasn't my place to tell you..."

Then the realization of what he had done to his uncle hit Billy. The old man had placed all his hopes on his shoulders and Billy had let him down. He felt sick and his blue eyes filled with tears. Ennis stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Billy. Billy moved into Ennis's embrace and put his head on his shouder. Ennis spoke softly. "It's ok little darlin'... it's gonna work out ok."

Ennis could feel Billy trembling. He held him and placed his hand on the back of Billy's head and stroked his hair. Billy wrapped his arms tighter around Ennis. It had been so long since Ennis had felt the strong, warm, comforting embrace of another man. The last time had been when he and Jack had argued up in the mountains because Ennis was postponing their next trip. He had become very upset with the things that Jack told him that day - even though it was all true - he knew it was terribly wrong to expect Jack to do without something that he needed so badly. The tears flowed freely that day and Ennis spilled out feelings and emotions that terrified him. When he collapsed into Jack's arms, he held on tightly. Jack comforted him with gentle words and stroked his hair. That was the last time Ennis ever saw him.

Billy whispered into Ennis's ear, "I want to..." Then he moved his head from Ennis's shoulder and kissed him full on the mouth. Ennis pressed Billy into him even harder and slipped his tongue slowly between Billy's lips - the taste of whiskey and spit mingling.

Billy gently pulled away from Ennis and started unbuttoning his shirt. Ennis watched shyly as Billy undressed - admiring his smooth body. Billy stood in the middle of the room in his under shorts. Ennis led him into the bedroom, it was dark except for light filtering from the other room. Billy sat on the bed. Ennis took off all of his clothes, his back to Billy. When he turned around, Billy stood and they embraced again. As they kissed deeply, Ennis moved his rough hands down Billy's back and slid his fingers under the waistband of his boxers, cupping and squeezing his butt. He could feel Billy's erect penis pressing against him. Ennis slid down Billy's underwear and Billy sat on the bed to take them off the rest of the way. Ennis was standing in front of him.

Ennis tried not to think of anything - he just wanted to empty his head of all the things that had happened. He closed his eyes and let himself just feel.

Billy gently grasped Ennis's erect penis at the base and slid the skin back from the head - he moved forward and licked the tip, tasting the saltiness. Billy was nervous, but his desire for Ennis was overpowering. He slowly began to suck - letting it slide in and out of his mouth... a little deeper each time, trying not to gag when it slid back into his throat. Ennis let out a deep breath and placed his hands on Billy's head, his fingers grasping the thick hair...urging him on.

After several minutes BIlly pulled back and looked up at Ennis. "I ain't never done this."

Ennis pulled Billy up and they both lay down on the bed next to one another. Billy was on his back and Ennis lay his side, facing Billy. He said, "Close your eyes.." Ennis moved his right hand over Billy's brow and cheek, then a finger across his lips... he carressed his neck and gently rubbed his hand over the smooth chest, lingering at the nipples... then down Billy's stomach... Billy was breathing deeply, eyes closed. Ennis whispered, "I'm sorry I hurt you little darlin - I never meant to..."

Chapter Nine

Ennis opened his eyes, the sun was already up and he could hear a car passing on the road. Billy was still asleep next to him - his arm draped over Ennis's belly. He thought about last night - he knew that Billy was eager to please him and willing to do whatever he wanted - but Ennis didn't want to hurt him just to satisfy his own sexual desires. He thought back to the way it was with Jack - the uncontrollable passion he'd felt for him - the urgent need to be inside him... it was exhilerating and frightening at the same time - to want somebody so badly. It was different with Billy - calmer, less frantic... but still satisfying.

Ennis looked at the clock on the bedside table. He slipped out from under Billy's arm and walked, naked, into the bathroom to piss. As he stood there, a feeling of dread came over him. He knew he'd have to face Chet again and maybe even the old man. Ennis flushed the toilet and pulled on his jeans.

"Billy, we got to get goin, buddy." Billy stirred, then got up and sat on the edge of the bed... he looked up at Ennis. "I got to talk to Uncle Vernon today - I got to set things right." Billy dressed.

When they were ready to leave, Ennis came up behind Billy and pulled him close. He said, "Thank you for last night." Billy turned to face Ennis but did not look him in the eyes, "Did I do ok?" Ennis put his hand under Billy's chin and lifted his face looking him in the eyes, "It was wonderful, Billy - you were wonderful." He kissed his lips.

"We better get agoin, handsome." Ennis grabbed his hat and keys.

They both got into their trucks. Billy waited a good while after Ennis left before pulling onto the main road… he felt peaceful. He was not sure what excuse he'd make about being gone all night - but what he did know was that he was going to have to try to convince his Uncle that he'd changed his mind - that he wanted to stay in Riverton and take on the ranch. He knew it was going to be hard convincing the old man of this without telling him the reasons why.

Ennis pulled up in his truck and parked in his usual place behind the barn. It was almost 10am, much later than his usual arrival time. Nobody seemed to be around - three of the ranch hands would be up at the summer pasture - the others could be anywhere on the spread. Ennis didn't see Chet's truck. He decided to talk with Mr. Barker about what had happened the night before with Chet. He'd decided that he might as well face it head on. As he rounded the corner of the barn he saw Mr. Barker on the front porch of the ranch house talking to a man he'd never seen before - a late model car was parked in front of the house. Ennis tried to get into the barn unnoticed but the old man called him over.

"Ennis this is Bobby Fulmer. Bobby, Ennis is my overseer - and he does a good job of it too." Ennis took off his hat and the men shook hands.

"Well Vernon, I better get back into town. I'll get this paperwork drawn up and should be back out in a few days to get your signatures… Ennis, good to meet you."

Bobby got into his car and drove away - leaving Ennis and Mr Barker to themselves.

Ennis was quiet for a moment, his hat still in his hand.

"Come on in here, Ennis… I can see you got something you want to talk about."

They went into the living room of the house. Ennis had only been in this part of the house once before.He usually conducted business with the old man in the kitchen. The room was large, with a high, exposed beam ceiling with a stone fireplace at one end. The room was furnished simply.

"Sit down, son." Mr Vernon called towards the kitchen for his housekeeper. "Ella, bring out some coffee for me and Ennis, here." They made small talk for a few minutes - speculating on how much longer it would be until the cattle had to be moved down from the foothills, and the current price of beef. It was only a couple of minutes until Ella came out with a tray of coffee and biscuits. Ella had worked for the Barkers for as long as Ennis could remember, and before. She had a room off the kitchen. She was a small woman, part Indian - Shoshone - but she was hard working and strong. Ennis didn't have much dealings with her but he knew not to get her mad. He'd seen her lay into more than a couple of ranch hands over the years. Ella gave Ennis a smug look as she set down the tray on the coffee table and poured two cups. She handed one to the old man, but left the other on the tray for Ennis to get himself - then she disappeared back into the kitchen.

"What's on your mind, Ennis?"

Ennis sat stiffly in an upholstered chair next to the fireplace. "We'll sir, I ain't sure if you've talked with Chet - but I need to make you aware that we got into to it last night."

"I know about it Ennis - he came over and met with me last night."

Ennis looked carefully at the old man - trying to detect any change in his demeanor towards him. Ennis couldn't be sure what Chet might have said to him - and he would never ask. He knew that Chet had worked for Barker for many years and Ennis had no expectation of what he would do.

"Well sir, I think it's best if I leave here after the cattle are brought down to the south ranch. I'll make sure everything is in good order before I go. I sure 'preciate everything you and Mrs. Barker done for me over the years…" It was the most words that Ennis had ever uttered to the old man.

Mr. Barker was silent for a moment, he took a swig of his coffee and set the cup down on the coffee table.

"It won't be necessary for you to leave, Ennis. Chet won't be comin back - he packed up his office this morning."

Ennis looked stunned.

"Chet has worked for me for many years - and done a good job of it, too… but it's time for him to retire. I'll make sure he's taken care of. I've got a man I've hired in Riverton who'll take care of the financial end of things and broker the deal on the beef." Barker looked straight at Ennis. "Son, I know you love this land - I've watched you work this spread for more than ten years… and I know it's in your blood. If you leave this place where would you go?"

Ennis looked down at his boots.

Barker said softly, "I was a son of a bitch in my younger days but I've learned a lot over the years and I've changed. I judge men by the quality of their character - I respect and trust you Ennis Del Mar. You've earned it. Nothing else matters to me. You need this place… and it needs you." Ennis could see the compassion in the old man's eyes.

Mr. Barker got up, stiffly - and walked slowly over to the fireplace - Ennis could see he was in pain. He picked up the pipe that was lying on the stone mantel and struck a match. Ennis smelled the sweet tobacco.

"Billy has decided to go back to Texas after the season is over. I can't hold it against him - he's done a hell of a job - I respect his decision. I was meeting with Bobby to draw up the legal paper work to make sure things keep going here after I'm gone. Ennis, I need you to be here to make sure everything works out… it's important to me, son."

Ennis stood, he hesitated before answering - for a moment he felt he should tell Mr. Barker that Billy had changed his mind… then he thought better of it. Billy was a grown man and would have to convince his uncle that he wanted to stay. Ennis stood and put his hat on his head. "Yessir - I'll make sure everything works out just fine." He shook the old man's hand - then he walked out the front door into the bright sunshine. He felt a huge sense of relief as he walked back to the stables - he felt as if he'd just been pulled back from going over the edge of a cliff.

Billy pulled up in the work truck not long after Ennis finished meeting with Mr. Barker. Ennis was in the stables saddling his horse. Billy was not aware of what had happened between Ennis and Chet. Ennis had refused to discuss it the night before. Ennis saw Billy walk into the front door of the ranch house taking off his black hat as he climbed the steps. Ennis led his horse out into the dusty courtyard and mounted. He headed down to check on the progress of repairs being done to the large barn down near the south pastures - a local contractor had been hired to do the job - he wanted to make sure it was water tight before the fall rain and snow moved in. He really hoped that things could be worked out between Billy and the old man - but he knew that there was nothing he could do to affect the outcome.

Ennis enjoyed riding in the wide open expanse in the south part of the ranch. It reminded him of some of the open spaces up on Brokeback - where you could see for miles around. Over the years he and Jack had visited many areas of Wyoming on their trips: the Tetons, Wind River, Big Horn River… though they never made it up to Yellowstone, but they had planned on doing it. Jack would have loved this place! Ennis dug in his heels and his horse jumped to a gallup.

Chapter Ten

In the mountains of Wyoming, the month of August can begin hot and dry and end cold and snowy. Early in the month, Ennis helped Kurt and Alma Jr. with their move down to Syler. He was going to miss them, but it made him happy when he knew his little girl was happy. The cattle were driven out of the upper grazing lands towards the end of the month - following the ancient canyons leading to the south. Almost half the herd would be sold at market - the remainder would winter over in the lower pastures - then the cycle would begin again. It had been a good season - loss to predators was low and the heavy snows of the previous winter meant there were plenty of grasses to fatten the cattle.

Vernon's sister, Sarah, came up from Texas when Billy called to tell her the bad news. She loved her older brother dearly and she would tend to him in the final weeks of his life. A hospital bed was brought out to the ranch and a room was set up for him in the downstairs parlor. Towards the end, a nurse would be with him twenty-four hours a day. The old man held on - it was as if he were waiting for something before he could let go. Some days he was able to get outside and talk with the ranch hands - others he was confined to his bed.

Both Ennis and Billy worked long, hard days through August.-Two additional ranch hands were brought in to help out. They would see each other across the canyon, the cattle packed tight, moving slowly - or share a meal by campfire with the other men when they had to overnight it while on the drive - but they had not been together again since that night at the trailer - there was not time.

Billy's conversation with his uncle had not gone well. Barker was not angry with Billy - but he believed the young man had only changed his mind when he found out about his illness. Vernon did not want Billy to take over the ranch if his heart was not in it - and making the decision just to please a dying old man was not acceptable to him. Vernon told Billy he would think on it. Plans had already been put in motion to secure the future of the ranch and Barker didn't see any reason to change them. A few weeks after their discussion the old man's condition had deteriorated and Billy didn't have the heart to press the issue further. He felt he had let everyone down - his uncle, mother and even Ennis… but mostly, himself. He determined to work on until the end - then the lawyers could tell him to leave.

After the drive was over and the profit counted, the amount of work on the ranch decreased sharply. By early September all the seasonal workers were gone. The bunkhouse was empty, except for Billy. Vernon, Sarah and Ella stayed in the main house. Ennis continued his daily commute from his trailer in Riverton. Billy and Ennis agreed to lay low until the future was clearer - though they'd met at the café a couple of times for a meal after work. Winter was setting in early and cold rains washed over the sheltered valley - with heavy snow in the mountains. Billy asked Ennis if they could take one last overnight trip together, just the two of them. Ennis agreed. It was hard for him to be around Billy and not be able to hold him, smell him.

After the first week of the month the weather turned fair and the days were warmer, the nights chilly - only a temporary respite to be sure. Ennis stopped by the bunkhouse on his way home.

"Weather's looking nice the next coupla days - let's plan on settin out early in the mornin - I'll let the old man know we'll be gone overnight… he doin any better?"

Billy was kneeling next to the stove stocking it with wood, he stood up and went to sit on his bunk, "He's holding his own… momma said he ate a good breakfast this morning… I'll be up and ready by five."

Ennis could see how tired Billy was, he was worried about him - he walked over to Billy and put his hand on his shoulder. "I know you're worried about what's gonna happen. Your uncle's a good man, try to have some faith that he's made the right decision." Ennis pulled Billy up by his arm and walked him into the doorway of the little apartment, he gently placed his hands on either side of his head and kissed him softly on the lips."

The morning was cold but sunny as they rode their horses up the path into the trees. They would follow the same route they had taken the previous Spring up to the campsite perched high on the ridge. Ennis figured that there would not be too much snow up there yet, but he packed a two man tent just in case.

Billy thought about all that had happened since he had last been up this way. It seemed that ten years had passed instead of only four months. He marvelled at the gorgeous fall colors of the hardwood trees - he'd never seen anything like this back in Texas. Ennis led the way and Billy followed. Billy was determined to follow him wherever he decided to go. They paused for a moment at the overlook - Billy was still in awe of the view. The contrast between the deep blue fall sky and the white capped mountains was stunning. They pressed on.

Ennis was enjoying the scenery, too - fall was his favorite time of year - but it was tinged with the melancholy of things coming to an end. Ennis was a man all too accustomed to endings - the death of his parents when he was only fourteen, his estrangement from his brother and sister, the failure of his marriage to Alma and the loss of Jack. He had come to accept the inevitability of endings - and over the years he learned to enjoy the moment. Ennis took great pleasure in little things: baby sitting his granddaughters, the time he spent with the horses, a cold beer every now and then, a full moon on a bitter night. He took great comfort in knowing his life would one day cease and the burning ache is his heart would be extinguished. He was not a religious man, be he hoped that he'd see Jack again - somehow - so that he could tell him what he really felt.

Ennis's outlook had changed in recent months. He'd begun to feel like he had more to look forward to. Of course, Alma Jr., and her girls were all that kept him going since '83... but Mr Barker's assurance that he would have a future at the ranch made him feel more secure. Then there was Billy. Ennis felt great affection for him - he'd never met a kinder, gentler soul... and he was strongly attracted to him - but he did not know what was in store for them, and he could not envision living with another man in that way - even though Billy had not mentioned it. At fifty one, Ennis had no illusions that he would ever find someone who ignited the passion within him as Jack had. Ennis knew, if he was honest with himself, that finding such man was not something he would ever want again. To feel for someone so strongly was agonizing. He sometimes thought it was not worth the pain. Ennis had no expectations - he would do the best with whatever came his way and be glad for it.

Billy moved his horse up and rode next to Ennis for a while. Billy reached out and Ennis bent over towards him and grasped his hand for a moment, giving him a smile and a wink of the eye. Most of the way up into the foothills they travelled in silence. There was so much that Billy wanted to know about Ennis's past - it seemed that he'd already told Ennis everything there was to know about him - but he knew Ennis well enough to know that he would tell him things in his own time.

"Ennis, was Alma nice lookin?... did you love her?"

Ennis smiled to himself, he knew the questions would start coming sooner or later. "Yep, she was pretty young gal... " he paused a moment, "I thought I loved her... we was young... just kids really."

"Ennis... who is Jack?"

Ennis stopped his horse and looked over at the young man, he knew the question was not mysterious. Billy was not capable of guile. "Where'd you hear about Jack?"

Billy pulled his horse over closer to Ennis. "That night we was together at your trailer... when we were together - you said his name..."

Ennis felt his face flush. "He was somebody I knew a long time ago - he's dead now...", he moved his horse onward...but Billy persisted. "Did you love him?"

Ennis felt a little irritated, but answered, "I ain't really sure I know what love is." Billy fastened the top button of his coat - he didn't ask any more questions.

They reached the campsite before nightfall. There were still patches of snow on the ground and it was getting chilly. Billy cleaned out the fire pit and filled it with dry branches and started a fire. Ennis pitched the tent, and rolled out the sleeping bag for the two of them. They ate their meal by the fire. Ennis got up and went over to the tent, got undressed and lay on his back in the sleeping bag. A few minutes later Billy slipped in beside him, and put his head on Ennis's chest - they fell asleep.

When Ennis opened his eyes, Billy was straddling him. Ennis raised his hips and heard the sharp intake of breath."You don't have to do this..." Billy put his palm on Ennis's chest and lowered himself slowly onto him. Ennis ran his hands up the inside of Billy's thighs - he could not resist the urge to thrust upwards, deeper into him. Billy closed his eyes and made a deep grunt. Ennis felt the warm semen land on his chest and stomach... when he felt Billy contract he made one last thrust and ejaculated inside him. Billy looked down at him and said, "I love you, Ennis."

The old man died on a Thursday morning during the last week of September. Sarah and Ella were with him. A small funeral was held at the Methodist church in Riverton and he was buried next to Rita in the little graveyard up on the hill behind the ranch house. A few days before he died, Billy sat with him for a couple of hours one morning. Billy listened to the same old stories that his uncle had told him over the years, they talked about the ranch... and the weather.

"Billy, things don't always work out like we want them to - that's what makes livin so damn interesting..."

Sarah offered to stay a few more weeks in Riverton to help get things squared away, but Billy didn't see any need in it - she returned to Texas a week after the funeral. Ella stayed on at the house. Billy slept in the bunkhouse and continued to do his work around the ranch. Ennis made the trip in from Riverton each morning - he would tend to the horses and ride out to check on the cattle in the south pastures. Winter was coming on fast - though the snows had not yet reached down into the sheltered valley.

A couple of weeks after the funeral, Bobby Fulmer came out to the ranch. Billy was chopping firewood and Ennis was down at the south pasture.

Billy looked up as Bobby got out of his car, "I been expectin you... I guess it's time to see what the old man decided." Fulmer smiled and shook Billy's hand - they went into the house.

Ennis returned to the ranch before dark. He noticed clouds moving in from the west and figured there would be another big snowfall up in the mountains… maybe even a dusting at the ranch. He didn't mind, he liked the snow and cold. He was glad that he and Billy had taken that trip a few weeks back - for all he knew it may have been their last. The past two weeks had been uneasy for all of them - not knowing what their future would be at the ranch. For all he knew, the old man could have changed his mind and just decided to have the lawyers sell everything off. Ennis felt bad for Billy, he knew that Billy was beating himself up for letting the old man down - but that was water under the bridge. The future was written on some documents in a lawyer's desk drawer. Ennis would just roll with the punches and he would do all he could to help Billy accept their fate.

As Ennis headed towards the stables - he noticed smoke coming from the fireplace chimney at the house. He couldn't imagine that Ella would have got one going - she was always in the kitchen or her room… and Billy had continued to stay in the bunkhouse. He'd told Ennis that it wasn't his place to move into the house since he'd turned down his uncle's offer, he was just waiting to get evicted by whomever took over the ranch. Ennis took his mare into her stall and got her squared away - he decided to see what was up at the house.

He went in through the back - through the kitchen - as was his custom. He just never did feel right going in the front door. There was no sign of Ella, so he pushed open the swinging door that led into the living room and poked his head in. Billy was standing in front of the fireplace looking at the flames like he was in a trance. He didn't notice Ennis walk up behind him.

Ennis glanced around to make sure nobody else was in the room, then he snuck up behind Billy and hooked his arm around his neck and gave him a quick kiss behind his left ear.

He whispered, "Howdy, handsome"… then he moved a few feet away, over to the hearth, and leaned against the stone mantel and looked at Billy… he took off his hat and tossed it onto the couch. Billy still stared into the fire with a slight smile on his lips.

"You decided to move on into the big house, huh?"

Billy turned to look at Ennis, "Nahh, I was just gettin tired of havin to sit on top of that little stove in the bunk house to get warm." Ennis chuckled a little. "Is everything ok, buddy?"

Billy walked over and picked up some papers that were on the coffee table… he handed them to Ennis. "Bobby Fulmer came by today, he wanted to go over some of the legal stuff about Uncle Vernon's estate… take a look…"

Ennis took the papers, he handled them like they were a hot coal. "Well, I don't much know anything about legal stuff… just tell me."

Billy took the papers back from Ennis and went and sat down in the chair that Ennis sat in the day he met with the old man. Ennis remained standing by the fireplace - he looked a little nervous.

Billy opened the papers and looked at them. "Well, it's got a lot of stuff in here I don't understand… but Uncle Vernon left a good bit of money to Momma and some to my brothers - he's even giving some money to Ella and Chet… and the Riverton Methodist Church."

Ennis shifted nervously. "What's it got in there about you?"

Billy continued to look down at the papers then he looked at Ennis, his eyes had tears in them. "He didn't leave any money to me, Ennis."

Ennis felt his heart drop.

"… but he did give me half of all the land and buildings … and the equipment and the herd…" Billy cried softly.

Ennis went over and patted him on the shoulder. "That's great news, Billy! I knew he would do it!… I'll help you Billy, you'll do just fine… I told the old man I'd stay around and help out…" Ennis tried to get Billy to laugh."Course, I may be askin you for a raise come Springtime."

Billy did laugh, then they walked back in front of the fire.

"Ennis, you wasn't listnin'… I said he only left me half."

Billy handed Ennis the papers again. Ennis had a puzzled look on his face. Billy said sofly, "The other half… he left to you."

It took a moment for what Billy said to register with Ennis… his look of puzzlement turned to one of concern.

"I can't take it, Billy! It ain't right!"

Ennis paced around the room, "What the hell was that old man thinkin!"

Billy was surprised by Ennis's reaction. "I thought you'd be happy, Ennis… this means we can be together - together here on the ranch."

Ennis stopped in his tracks. "I never said we would live together Billy… now I been through this before… and it ain't gonna happen - so just get that thought outta your head!"

Billy glared at Ennis, "Was it Jack? You said you been through this… was it Jack?"

Ennis felt a stab in his heart… he almost felt like his knees were going to buckle, he sat down on the hearth, he said in a low voice, "It won't work Billy… it couldn't work then… and it won't work now…"

Billy was crestfallen, he never expected that it would end up this way.

Ennis calmed down, "Billy, it's all yours - I don't want it, buddy. I'll work for you just like I worked for the old man… just tell them lawyers I don't want it."

Billy sat back down in the chair. "It ain't that easy, Ennis - and I don't want your half - when everything's finished you can just sell your part."

Ennis was silent for a while. The fire crackled. "I'd never do that Billy - I wouldn't sell a piece of the spread to an outsider… if you won't take it, then why don't you just buy my half ?"

Billy glared at Ennis, "Like I said, I don't want it! Besides, Uncle Vernon didn't leave me any money, only what's in the operating account , and that's only enough to get us through the winter. I think he planned on somethin like this happenin.."

Ennis looked down at his boots… his voice softened, "Yep, he was a smart man."

Chapter Eleven

The winter was cold and snowy. Ennis and Billy continued to work the ranch like nothing had changed. Billy did finally move into the main house, but only because the cold drove him out of the bunk house. At first Ella tried to ignore him but he was slowly able to win her over. Ennis drove back and forth every day from his trailer. A few weeks after their argument, Billy showed up at Ennis's trailer late one night - they were together for the first time in weeks, afterward they lay in bed and talked.

Ennis stared up at the ceiling. "I think things are workin just fine as they are. I don't see no need to change it. Nobody's got to know I own half that place."

Billy decided not to tell him that property records were open to the public, Ennis would have to figure that out on his own. "Yep, it's goin along fine…but this time of year is the easy part… I'm thinkin about what we're facing come Springtime…" Billy ran his hand across the fine hairs on Ennis's chest and belly. "You're getting gray, old man."

Ennis laughed, "… and I've earned every one of em!"

The next year, Spring came early to the mountains of central Wyoming - the work pace at the ranch began to quicken and a couple of ranch hands were brought in early to help get things ready. Ennis would occasionally stay over night in the bunk house - especially when the cows began to foal. Eventually he saw how difficult it was gong to be to try to keep his trailer in Riverton - drivng the twenty miles each way. He discussed it with Billy and they both agreed that it would be best if he moved into the little apartment connected to the bunk house - that way Ennis could keep a better eye on things. He could always get a place back in town next fall when the season ended.

The first week in May, Ennis and Billy took their trucks down to the little trailer to pick up the rest of Ennis's stuff. The morning was chilly and it was spitting snow. Billy loaded up his truck with some clothes and a couple of pieces of furniture. The rest of the stuff they put into the bed of Ennis's Ford.

Ennis started a fire in an old oil drum he had in front of the trailer and burned a lot of old papers and trash.

"You want me to wait so you can follow me back? " Billy stood next to the ranch truck.

Ennis looked over at him as he was throwing some old phone books into the fire - he thought about how lucky he was to have Billy in his life. "Nahh, I'll only be a few more minutes… I'll catch up with you in a little while."

Billy pulled out onto the main road and headed north… Ennis walked around the trailer and watched the truck go down the straight, narrow road until he couldn't see it anymore. The clouds were breaking up, he could see patches of blue and the distant mountains were coming into view. Ennis pulled up the collar on his coat and pulled his hat down on his head against the cold wind. He was about finished.

Ennis went into the empty trailer and looked around - he'd spent a lot of years here… with all the rent he'd paid he figured he could have bought the place ten times over.

He walked into the little hallway and stood before the closet - he opened the door. The shirts were still hanging where he'd placed them many years before - his faded plaid shirt on the outside with Jack's blue one tucked inside. The faded postcard of Brokeback Mountain was still thumb tacked to the flimsy wood.

Ennis took the shirts off the wire hanger and folded them carefully. He took down the post card and slid it into the pocket of his old plaid shirt.

Ennis walked out side and stood a moment. He brought the folded shirts up to his face and breathed in deeply.

Ennis carefully placed the shirts into the fire… he watched the flames consume them until they were only ashes. He watched the whitish smoke drift up into the cold, blue sky. Tears filled his eyes… he whispered softly…

"Jack, I swear… I'll always love you."

He drove north. Billy would be waiting for him.

THE END


End file.
